#nebraskastrong

#nebraskastrong If you live in Nebraska, near Nebraska, or have friends in the state of Nebraska I'm sure you've seen this hashtag used generously in the last 2 weeks. This hashtag quickly emerged from one of the most catastrophic spring floods the state of Nebraska has ever experienced. I don't know all of the scientific details, but they call it a "bomb cyclone." Half the state was experiencing historic blizzards while the other half of the state was experiencing historic flooding. If you live in a Nebraska community a phrase you've probably heard repeated over and over in the past 2 weeks is, "We've never seen anything like this before!" I'm simply speaking from my experience, from my daily view, from how I've been affected. Several neighboring states to us have also experienced catastrophic flooding and our hearts hurt deeply for them too.

Spring came in like a lion. It's been unexpected and devastating! We aren't out of the woods yet. A very wet spring and further snow melt headed our direction is projected. I'm sure you've seen the images on social media of entire towns swallowed up by flood waters. I'm sure you've heard the stories of them bringing teams out to do livestock carcass cleanup as the floodwaters subside. I'm sure you've heard about how ice chunks ripped through dams leaving them shelled out like they'd been bombed. The stories are endless and when I stop to read them and ponder them my heart is ripped in two. I know people who were personally affected by this natural set of events that led to disaster across our entire state. You can see all of that, read the statistics, hear the stories, on social media and google. But today I want to share just a snapshot with you of how I've personally seen Jesus show up in tragedy.

Thursday, March 14th 2019 - It seemed every creek and river in the state of Nebraska was swelling beyond it's capacity. Roads begun closing left and right. Something big was happening.

Wednesday, March 13th, we had a foot of snow on the ground. In once crazy day of 50 degree weather and rain it was gone. We were down to bare ground after being buried all winter. So the rivers swelled, the ice broke and cracked and pushed mightily against itself and everything in it's path. This begun the set of events that lasted well into the next week and the damage of which we will be dealing with for months and years to come. 

But as the rivers and creeks exploded all across the state of Nebraska. As thousands of pounds of ice chunks bulldozed through homes and dams creating damage we never fathomed possible, the people of Nebraska swung into action in an unbelievably strong fashion. C. S. Lewis once said, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." I have seen the resilience of the human soul and spirit demonstrated in the most genuine way I've ever experienced in Nebraska in the last two weeks!

Let me clearly state that I never ever would have wished to happen to our state what has happened through the flooding and blizzards that we have experienced this spring. The number of people affected, the livestock and cropland lost, is staggering. But I have learned that Jesus shows up on the scene of heartbreak and tragedy in ways that we sometimes don't see Him in the workings of every day life. Scripture supports this theory. As we follow the story of many Bible Characters we recognize that Jesus loves to come through when things look hopeless, when life is turned upside down, when circumstances are incredibly bleak. Daniel in the lion's den, Paul & Silas in prison, Jairus' daughter who had already died when Jesus arrived on the scene, Paul shipwrecked and yet him and all the crew were miraculously saved. Time and time again we see Jesus show up when things have gotten really bad. When hope is lost. When humanly we can't fix it and only He can!

This is what I have witnessed first hand in Nebraska this spring. The church I attend, Riverview Community Church in Ashland immediately swung into action in response to the flooding. Opening their doors wide they begun to accept donations to be extended to those in affected areas. The community and state of Nebraska's response was overwhelming! Donations poured in seemingly non-stop. Not only were we receiving donations from our community locally, but trucks were driving in from other areas of Nebraska and even other states.

Wednesday morning the 20th, almost a week since the beginning of the flooding, I went over to the church to hold the donation center open for a couple hours before I headed off to work. Since it was the early morning hours it was very quiet. I walked silently through the donations accessing them and taking in the enormity of what had been given. I paused in front of our Imagine Banner covering the wall behind one of the tables filled with food donations. Our Imagine Banner has little ideas that different members of the congregation have written on it of what they imagine God can do through us, His people. Immediately tears sprang to the surface at the corners of my eyes. Although this terrible tragedy was something we never would have imagined or wished upon Nebraska many of the notes scrawled on the Imagine Banner were being lived out on a daily basis through the events of this spring. Notes about caring for our community, about being the hands and feet, the love of Jesus to our community.

I continued to walk through the donations and stopped at a section where we were assembling 5 gallon buckets full of cleaning supplies to be sent to those who's homes had been damaged. The bucket supply was running low. I pulled out my phone and sent our pastor's wife Ashley a quick text message regarding the limited amount of buckets we currently had. Her reply was simple and faith filled, "We will pray those come in over the next few days. Every time we ask, He gives." With buckets on my heart that morning I lifted up a simple prayer, "Lord, we need buckets. Please provide buckets." 

Friday afternoon I received this picture and text message from Ashley, "Your prayers are being answered! Buckets at a time!" Some generous donor decided to donate 720 buckets to Riverview's donation center. 720 Buckets!! It felt so unbelievable and yet believable and so something that only God could carry out! Every time I see this stack of buckets I'm reminded that God sees and hears. Not only does He see and hear, He shows up and He answers!

I could go on and on sharing with you stories of lives touched, of even the smallest of prayers being answered. Of the simplest of needs being met. Of tears shed, of hugs given, of hours volunteered as neighbors help each other in recovering from this terrible flood. It has taught me an incredible lesson about the strength of community, the strength of this state, and the strength of God's love in the midst of suffering.

God doesn't need us to get accomplished what He has planned. He allows us to be a part because He loves us and He wants to work together with us on bringing His love to this broken hurting world. It is our loss if we choose to skip out on being a part of how God is working and moving. This world is overlaid with pain and loss, but Jesus is alive and well. We are welcomed into a relationship with Him where we are invited to be the vehicle that brings His love and grace to the world! Who doesn't want to be a part of that?! Watching Him work, watching Him do His thing, watching Him come through. . . there is nothing like it!

I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings. Don't you realize that in a a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.  

1 Corinthians 9:23-27

Intense Healing

I have debated for a while now whether or not I should write this post. It feels so incredibly vulnerable to share what I'm going to share today. Sometimes you just know deep down that it is time for something, and that's what I'm feeling about this post. If this particular post can help, encourage, or let someone know they're not alone, than it is worth it!

God has a beautiful way of tenderly taking us through seasons. He knows how we are going to respond to each season we navigate before we are even walking through it. He knows what we can handle, He knows what's too much. For a while now I have felt like I am in a season of intense healing. If you cracked my journal open like I did last night you would quickly discover that the past year of my life has held some pretty intense struggles and dark days. I don't share this to gain anyone's pity or words of sympathy. I simply share it because it's the truth, it's real, it's raw, it's genuine.

I'm all for real and I'm all for genuine. But when it comes to my struggles I tend to keep those pretty close to my chest. There are a select few who get to hear about the journey, the struggle, the sorrow, the victories, the triumph. But it's not something I care to share with many. I tend to have a, "If you put your back into it you can muscle your way through anything," philosophy about life. Although this has gotten me places at times, it has also not gotten me places, or taken me places I didn't want to go.

Y'all, God's been doing something in the past year. As I look through the pages of my journal a common thread emerges. I've been broken down to be built back up. I've been wounded to be healed. I've endured hardship and faced failure to comfort others and offer genuine love. If I could go back and pick the past year of my life I wouldn't pick for it to look and feel like what the pages of my journal disclose. I don't know of anyone who if they were told their year was gonna hold heartbreak, broken dreams, loss of direction, and failure would say, "Sign me up for that." I surly would not have and I didn't, but I got it anyways. Here's what's pretty special though. You cannot know the greatness of the healing you've experienced if you don't feel the deep pain of the wound that's been inflicted. That thing I said about being strong enough and muscling through earlier, yeah, it's bull crap! You can't be strong enough, you can't conjure up hope in your own strength, you can't muscle through again and again when you get knocked down for the 100th time. That thing I said God's been doing in me in the last year, yeah, He's been teaching me how to stay. Stay through the ugly, stay through the broken, stay through the tears, stay through the disappointments, stay through the intense healing process.

I think when we think of healing our immediate response is a positive one. We immediately run to a place in our minds where the healing has already transpired and sunshine and roses abound. That isn't how it works. Have you ever had an injury or a wound that didn't hurt while it was healing?! I've had a plethora of injuries in my life and not a one of them have felt great while they were healing. They ALWAYS hurt in the process, it isn't until the healing is complete that the pain resolves. You can't expect healing in the absence of pain. Healing and pain coexist together. Pain means that healing is occurring. It means those broken bones are fusing back together beneath the cast. It means the old skin is sloughing off and being replaced with new on that deep cut. When it comes to us healing emotionally and spiritually the pain indicates that we are digging deep, that we are not settling for a complacent life, that we are pushing into Jesus and letting Him use every bit of the process as we stay!

When pottery is being created it goes through a definitively ugly stage where you literally cannot even tell what it's going to be when it's completed. If the vessel being tenderly fashioned and created decided to jump off the wheel at the ugly stage because it didn't like how things were looking it would never reach completion. Jesus is asking us to stay. He knows exactly what He's doing! The imperfections He's working out as we spin on that wheel can be dealt with in no other way. Does it hurt? Yes, it hurts like crazy some days. Does it look perfectly curated and beautiful in the process? No, it doesn't. That's the part that you have to accept. That's the part you have to embrace. Sometimes you have to stay in the tension. Sometimes you have to keep living life in the ugly and know that it's okay.

I didn't like it for a while. I fought it. I tried to fix my life up to look the way I wanted. I tried to muscle through and be strong, it left me beat down and broken. The irony of it is that when I quit trying to be strong and accepted the weak place I found myself in, when I began to lean deep into Jesus, that's when strength started to rise within me. That's when hope found it's voice again. That's when this journey of intense healing began to feel like it is actually taking me somewhere better. Somewhere that I need to be.

 If you find yourself in a place of weakness beyond what you imagined possible, it's okay!! If you feel the intense pain of the healing your body is fighting for don't push back against it, lean into it, embrace it, stay for the process!! I'm not gonna promise you that it will be fun, I'm gonna promise you that it's worth it. I know, because this is me. This is it. This is what my life looks like right now. My heart has shifted and softened in ways I didn't imagine was possible. I have hope in sorrow and disappointment that I didn't know could exist! I feel strong and sure in weakness in a way that has restructured my entire outlook on life. Most importantly in this intense healing I have witnessed and am experiencing the great healer, Jesus, in a way I never have before. That right there my friends makes it all worth it! So just stay. Stay on the wheel. Because what it is that Jesus is creating? That we can't imagine, or guess, or request in our wildest dreams!

God can do anything, you know--far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Ephesians 3:20 The Message 

Then Hannah prayed: "My heart rejoices in the LORD! The LORD has made me strong. Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. 1 Samuel 2:1 NLT (Emphasis added)

Work With Purpose

For a while now I've been reading in the book of Acts. It's been thrilling following the accounts of the disciples adventures and struggles in bringing the gospel of Jesus to the lost. Acts is a captivating retelling that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Many times it is a life and death situation for the disciples, and you're left marveling at how they narrowly escaped death yet once again. Tonight when reading in Acts chapter seventeen I was struck yet once again by the tremendous amount of opposition the disciples faced over and over again, and they NEVER quit! They were beaten, threatened, thrown into prison, brought before authorities, and told to stop preaching the gospel time and time again, and they NEVER quit! They literally would preach one place until they were no longer welcome there and then move onto the next town and begin preaching there only to be threatened, accused, and opposed in that town too.

Y'all this has hit me deep! It's been like something that has slowly marinated deep in my soul as I have woven my way through the book of Acts. With each passing verse and chapter I've found myself thinking, "Aren't they discouraged yet. Don't they want to give up yet?" I mean I get discouraged because my computer freezes up on me when I'm composing a blog post. Or my knee hurts a little when I'm running. Or because my life doesn't look quite like what I expected or hoped in this season. While these are all real and valid components of my life some days, my recent journey through Acts has challenged me to reconsider how I navigate the opposition and challenges life throws at me.

I've been astonished to realize that there is not any recounting of the disciples complaining of being overwhelmed, discouraged, or tired beyond giving of themselves again. Nope, instead after being rejected in one town they faithfully head to the next town and commence preaching once again. It didn't matter if they were going to get shot down again. It didn't matter if they got beaten again. It didn't matter if prison was their next stop. They kept being faithful to their calling. Kept doing the next thing. Kept taking the next step, following the Holy Spirit, and trusting God to use it all for His glory!

But some of the Jews were jealous, so they gathered some troublemakers from the marketplace to form a mob and start a riot. They attacked the home of Jason, searching for Paul and Silas so they could drag them out to the crowd. Acts 17:5 NLT

That very night the believers sent Paul and Silas to Berea. When they arrived there, they went to the Jewish synagogue. Acts 17:10 NLT

But when some Jews in Thessalonica learned that Paul was preaching the word of God in Berea, they went there and stirred up trouble. The believers acted at once, sending Paul on to the coast, while Silas and Timothy remained behind. Acts 17:13-14 NLT

Do you hear it, do you see it, do you feel it?! Within just a few short verses of each other Paul and his team have been kicked out of a town twice and gone on to preach at the next place they were sent to. If you crack open the book of Acts you will read of this very thing time and time again! 

I'm gonna make a confession. The other night I was feeling a little down about this. I was thinking to myself, "The disciples in the book of Acts defied death, they endured intense suffering, and were ridiculed, mocked, and threatened all for the sake of the gospel." In comparison my life looks and feels pretty mundane and boring some days. But as fast as that thought entered my mind the Holy Spirit whispered. "It all holds purpose. Open your eyes to see it. The very things that you see as opposition in your life. The things that discourage you and get you down. They're you're opportunity to allow Me to do My deeper work in you. That's YOUR suffering, that's YOUR struggle. You know what it is for you that you keep coming back up against. You know what it is for you that you face around every corner. That's your opportunity to lean deep into Me and grow character and grace that has an impact for Me and My kingdom." 

It's true! God has placed each one of us on earth at this unique point in history for a specific plan and purpose. Every difficulty, every closed door, and every dead end that He allows in our lives holds a specific purpose. If we allow the Holy Spirit to keep this in the forefront of our minds, if we chose to work with purpose, it will change us from the inside out. In the weeks and months ahead I'm going to be seeking to adopt the disciples mindset. When a door closes, when something doesn't work out, when people judge me or put me down for the way I chose to live my life, I'm gonna pick up my knapsack and head to the "next town." I'm gonna work with purpose at each opportunity God gives me until that door closes, and when it closes I'm gonna trust God with that closed door. Truth is that the rejection and opposition the disciples faced often sent them forward to the next opportunity God had for them. So I'm not gonna question the closed doors, the opposition, the suffering I face. I'm going to embrace it as part of God's grand plan to lead me forward in His grace and truth. I'm gonna trust that the purpose the next opportunity holds is worth the opposition I'm facing right now. I'm gonna walk through the mundane and boring some days hold knowing that with Jesus the next adventure is just a closed door and an unexpected opportunity away. With this in mind, I work with purpose. 

Each Sabbath found Paul at the synagogue, trying to convince the Jews and Greeks alike. And after Silas and Timothy came down from Macedonia, Paul spent all his time preaching the word. He testified to the Jews that Jesus was the Messiah. But when they opposed and insulted him, Paul shook the dust from his clothes and said, "Your blood is upon your own heads--I am innocent. From now on I will go preach to the Gentiles." Acts 18:4-6 

Just Do You

I have a confession to make! I really heavily considered not posting this week! This week I just wasn't feeling it! Can anyone give me an "Amen," that February is the longest shortest month of the year?! Gosh! I've been waning on motivation and living intentionally every day that passes this month! All my heart wants is 80 degree days, sunsets at 9:30pm, and tank tops! I was wracking my brains and praying asking God to give me something to write about this week and NOTHING was coming. It was a blank page my friends. Ping pong balls and cobwebs inside my head as I sometimes like to say.

But still, I didn't want to give up on showing up and choosing to write on the days I feel like it and the days I don't. Although it is easier to write when inspired I have come to learn that if we are committed to something we have to treat it similar to a job. We have to push back against the resistance and show up on the days we feel like it and the days we are dragging our feet and uninspired!

So here we go! We're gonna talk about line dancing again. I know, you're probably thinking to yourself that all I talk about is horses, running, and dancing these days. That's probably because that is mostly what I talk about. They're very prevalent in my life and something I find easy to draw correlations to life with!

I've been line dancing for three months now. When I first started I didn't know a darn thing! I made sure to always show up for the hour lesson before they opened up the dance floor each week. I sought to learn as much as possible before stumbling around on the floor for a couple hours after the lesson. I'm sure it was very entertaining to watch me intently watch someone who knew what they were doing and copy them the best I could about three beats behind each step they were executing. I made a fool of myself, sure, but guess what?! I was having fun and learning.

In the last several weeks here a shift occurred. It used to be that I left the dance floor because my brain and my feet needed a little break from learning all the line dances. Yet as the weeks progressed a new song would come on and instead of leaving I would get excited because I had the line dance for it down by heart. Then another song would sound across the speakers and the same thing would happen again. Consistency and showing up were starting to pay off.

Last week we were line dancing to a song I knew by heart and out of old habit I looked at the person in the line in front of me to follow the pattern their feet were creating. It used to be this helped me to accurately execute a line dance, but now that I knew the dance it had the opposite effect. My feet started going to the wrong places and stepping on the wrong beat as I looked to the individual in front of me to guide me at something I already knew. It's like my feet were saying to me, "We know this. We got this. You just do you!" I intentionally took my eyes off the individual in front of me and focused on the truth that my feet and heart knew this line dance. Effortlessly the dance unfolded without a thought. I smiled inwardly. What an interesting thought! It immediately made me draw the comparison to the way we live life. There is a time and a place to take our cues from others as we learn and grow in a new situation or skill set, but there is a time and a place to know what we know and just do us!

I have a big struggle with people pleasing! It's something God is still working with me on. I'll be the first to admit that I'm that person that holds back when I spot that person who intimidates me or who I want to impress in the room. But just like dancing, when we have our eyes on that person and we are taking our cues from them it really messes things up! Our steps get all muddled and we don't just dance the way God intended for us to because we are letting someone else control our steps. We are our absolute best when we recognize that God is smiling at us saying, "You already know this. You just do you!" There is only One who we need to be pleasing, and because of the cross He is already pleased with us. Do you know what that means? It means we get to just dance. To love life, to give it our all, to be totally okay with us and get caught up in the moment instead of looking around to see who's watching!

I hope you'll join me in embracing exactly who it is God has created us to be! Of learning to not hold back, to not copy someone else's steps, but to simply dance the dance God intended for us to. Remember, the dance God has for you to dance is going to be specific to only you, and only me! Whoever it is that you are, this is a dance God has been teaching you over time. He's been showing you what needs to fall away, what steps are wrong, and what ones you have down perfectly! You know this, just do you!

Our PURPOSE is to please GOD, not PEOPLE. He alone examines the motives of our HEARTS.

1 Thessalonians 2:4b NLT (Emphasis added)

Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant.
Galatians 1:10 NLT

And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24 NKJV

Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety.

Proverbs 29:25 NLT

But Peter and the apostles replied, "We must obey God rather than any human authority.

Acts: 5:29 NLT

Pinpoint The Pain

My feet beat a steady rhythm out on the treadmill as the sound of my audio book filled my ears. Early morning runs are always a challenge for me. Mornings are not my thing, and while we are being honest running really isn't either. But it's about choosing what you want most rather than what you want right now. I want to be in shape and living life to the fullest more than I want to stay in bed for another two hours and sleep. Once the battle is won, once my feet hit the floor and I throw on my tank top and running leggings it typically gets easier from there.

I had almost made it through my first half a mile when it happened. Something gave way in my right knee without warning. It was like my right knee just quit on me. Pain shot up my leg and screamed at me to quit running. I didn't want to quit! I figured I could limp this weird idiosyncrasy off while still halfway running. Taking on an offbeat rhythm I tried to do just that. I placed half my weight on my right leg and lifted it quickly while putting my full weight on my left and drawing out my stride as long as possible. This lasted for about three hobbles. Every other hop pain shot through my right knee and up my leg throwing off any small semblance of rhythm I was still managing to keep. The unexpected spikes of pain up my leg caused me to falter and threatened to throw me off the back of the treadmill in one ugly sweep of the belt. Defeated I slowed the treadmill to walking speed and limped painfully along. Even at a walk my right knee was still randomly giving way and throbbing painfully. I wracked my brains for what could be going on. I was baffled. In my childhood I had dealt with issues with my left knee, not my right, and even at that my left knee hadn't flared up in ages. What on earth was going on?!

I finished off my morning exercise routine walking and called it a morning. I was still puzzled throughout the day. That night I went line dancing crossing my fingers that my right knee would hold up for me. Line dancing went off without a hitch, but my left leg felt a little weird afterwards. On the car ride home my hand subconsciously reached down and began rubbing the side of my left leg. I was astonished at what I felt, and suddenly it made sense. My left leg was tender to the touch just above my knee. My fingers moved upwards on my leg following the strained muscle and until they stopped at a tight knot of scar tissue. Late this fall I had been bucked off a horse and stomped on. I thought the horse hoof print bruise that was left on my leg would fade with time. It did, but it also left it's mark turning into a lump of scar tissue. Since it never bothered me much anymore I hadn't given it much thought. As I rubbed the sore knot of scar tissue and the strained muscle below it the pieces fell into place in my mind. It wasn't the right knee that had a problem at all. An old injury that I had forgotten about was causing me to run in a way that sought to protect that injury. In doing so my right knee had taken the blunt force and weight of my morning runs for the last month. For a while my right leg could take the extra strain of protecting my injury. It had hidden the fact that an old injury had flared up. But eventually my right leg was forced to tell me the truth. It was forced to alert me to the fact that it was protecting and hiding the real pain. It pinpointed for me where the pain was originating from.

This little setback I've been dealing with has caused me to reflect on how this goes hand in hand with the pain we navigate in life. Anger, fear, depression, and many other negative emotions are not the actual issue. They are simply the byproduct of a deeper pain. I'm a fixer. If somethings wrong I want to fix it. So for me when I'm angry, or anxious, or downcast I want to fix it. I want to let my anger go, I want to wrestle my anxiety until I beat it, I want to be strong enough to conjure up joy when I'm discouraged. Honestly, this doesn't work. It's just like assuming there's a problem with my right knee just because it started causing me pain. Sometimes you have to dig a little deeper. Sometimes you have to play connect the dots. Sometimes you have to pinpoint the pain. The negative emotions we deal with are hiding the real injury, they're attempting to protect us from the enormity of the pain the original injury carries. But they can only do this for us for so long. One day they'll give way beneath the weight and strain and we will be forced to pinpoint where the pain is originating from.

You don't have to wait until those emotions give way and reveal the truth. You can pinpoint the pain at the early warning signs. You can listen when that injury hurts. You can take measures to heal that injury and strengthen it. Because one way or another that old injury, that abuse, that failed relationship, that shattered dream is going to make it's voice be heard. Listening to and pinpointing your pain requires being brave and intentional. It requires revisiting your pain so that it can be properly dealt with and healed. As hard as it is, as much as it hurts, it is way better than trying to keep running on an old injury. Own your pain so that your pain doesn't own you. Whatever the first step looks like for you, be brave enough to take it. Reach out to someone safe, allow them to step into your pain. Seek wise counsel. Find out what your resources are. Get a game plan to allow that old injury the healing process it deserves. You are made for more! You deserve to be whole and strong so that you can chase down your dreams without any hindrance! Be kind to yourself and listen to your pain. When it's all said and done you won't regret that you did!

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.

Hebrews 12:12-13 NLT

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 NLT

Let's Hustle

May 1st, 2015, Kid darted into the small catch pen alongside another mustang his eyes wild with fear. Zig zagging back and forth along the fence line he sought desperately to find a way of escape. I watched as he lurched his small brown body against the panels holding him in and then ducked his head back down and circled the small circumference of the pen once again. I swallowed hard. In reality the wild fear he was feeling was exactly the same fear I had dealt with leading up to this moment. Did I want to compete in an Extreme Mustang Makeover? Yes! Was I scared witless of taking a mustang from wild to broke, also yes! In fact, my fear had driven me to consider pulling out of the competition. After my application had already been accepted but prior to picking up Kid I was hit with an onslaught of doubts and cold feet. I questioned my ability to tame a wild mustang, I questioned if I had all the resources I needed to work with him for four months and then travel to Fort Worth to compete. A phone call to my sister Anna gave me the kick in the pants I was needing. Despite the countless doubts and fears I voiced to her she didn't back down in her perspective of what was the right choice to make. She told me this was my dream, that I would find a way to make it work, that I was capable, and that fear should never be a reason we quit something, especially before even starting. I ended the phone call, took a deep breath, shoved the butterflies in my stomach back down. In that moment I decided I wanted to see what happened if I didn't quit.

Now I was here. This was the beginning of what not quitting looked like. This was the beginning of the story. Although the sight of Kid's wild fear was intimidating excitement caught within me and lit a flame that shone brightly. I didn't know what the journey was going to entail, but I knew I had without a doubt made the right choice to not quit!

Recently I was sitting at home praying about life direction. Interestingly enough as I was praying my eyes happened to land on a laminated chart in my closet. I walked over and picked it up. It was a schedule I had compiled while training Kid for the Extreme Mustang Makeover. It laid out in order of importance and categorized in classes that I would compete in what I needed to accomplish with Kid in four short months. At the end of the chart I had included a couple of inspirational quotes. Seeing this chart again caused me to reflect on setting goals and what they do or don't accomplish in our lives. A little later in the week I accidentally opened the notebook application in my phone. It immediately opened to a list I hadn't seen in ages. The list in my phone detailed things to accomplish with Kid before leaving for Fort Worth. I slowly browsed through the list as an insight I'd never had before hit me. There were lots of good things I aspired to accomplish with Kid. I wrote them down, I put them in my phone, I made charts, I kept my goals in front of me. But what grabbed my attention and made me stop was this. I did NOT accomplish everything on that list. Yes, you read that correctly. I did not train Kid everything I set out to in those four months. There were things on my list he still can't do to this day or he can't do them at the level I would like for him to. But guess what?! Honestly that doesn't really bother me. The reason being, we accomplished the big goal, and we did it well. All the smaller goals I set were simply a set of tracks to keep me headed towards the destination. They kept me focused, they kept me training hard every day, they kept me moving forward at the speed I needed to, but they were not the goal themselves. The goal was to go to Fort Worth, to compete at the Extreme Mustang Makeover, and to do myself and Kid proud at that competition.

I used to hate New Year's resolutions. I wouldn't even set them because I hate quitting something or not completing it to the extent I intended to. But reflecting on training Kid for the Extreme Mustang Makeover has taught me something. You have to reverse engineer your goal setting. Any good businessman or businesswoman will tell you that you start by putting the big rocks in the jar first and progress to the small ones at the top. This means you set the BIG goal first because the smaller ones will work themselves out if you know what your end goal is. Setting the big goal first gives us freedom in the smaller goals. It gives us wiggle room to fail, fall short, mess up, and yet to rise again and keep driving after the big goal! The coolest thing about setting the big goal first and not quitting is that you accomplish bigger and unexpected goals in the process! I may not have achieved every single little thing on my list with Kid, but in reality I accomplished other things I hadn't planned within the journey. Not only that, but the journey, the process changed me. It grew me as a horsewoman, it grew my perseverance, my confidence, my grit, and when I got to the big goal it was a feeling unlike any other! The little goals kept me on track, but the big goal created the little goals.

I've begun to adopt and test this theory in my life. Instead of setting a whole bunch of goals come New Year's I ask myself what my overall goal is for that year, what's the most important thing to me to achieve? Say that I decide it is to purchase a horse trailer and start showing my horse. All the little goals now start to fall into place and hold purpose. Not because I love the little goals in and of themselves, but because they're taking me towards the big goal. For me I need financial stability to purchase a horse trailer, and I want to be physically fit and at the top of my game to show my horse. How this may shake out in my life is getting up early to run during the week, taking care of my body by eating properly, keeping good track of my budget and refraining from spending on things I don't need to, being consistent at work so my income is where I need it to be. For me, these things are a whole lot easier to work hard at when I know that ultimately I'm hustling towards the big goal! But just like with training Kid for Fort Worth I change in the process. Almost by default I find I have a consistent morning routine, I find my body is gaining muscle tone, I find I'm alert, clear minded, inspired, and able to live my life to the fullest.

Kid and I made it to Fort Worth. We accomplished the big goal and came home satisfied and proud! We left it all on that arena floor. We gave it our best. We didn't make it to the finals, but we placed well, and won the Rookie of The Year belt buckle.

I don't know if this method of goal setting is something that is right for you, but I hope it inspires you to reconsider goals. Don't just throw the baby out with the bath water like I used to do. Don't not start just because you haven't found the right way to start yet! Being the best version of you and having the impact that God intends for you to takes work and sacrifice! It doesn't just magically happen. It takes an intentional choice on each one of our parts. It takes sweat, sacrifice, and enduring hardship. But please, please, don't let that stop you from hustling! The world needs you to be inspired, fully alive, the best version of you! This is what inspires others to choose life, this is what inspires others to hustle too, this is what paves the pathway for others to follow behind and to do great things too! There's a world filled with opportunities awaiting us, let's hustle!

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.

Hebrews 10:36 NLT

And my righteous one will live by faith. But I will take no pleasure in anyone who turns away." But we are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones, whose souls will be saved.

Hebrews 10:38-39 NLT

Unfinished

March 30th, 2018 - I turned the corner  around the side of the barn and made a beeline for the semi tractor and trailer parked alongside the barn. Reaching the front of the tractor I looked around to make sure I was alone. No one in sight. My back slid down the front of the tractor, my head fell into my hands and I wept. "How could it end this way? How could this be the last chapter of the story?" My shoulders shook, I could hardly even pray. I couldn't make sense of my jumbled thoughts much less put my thoughts into words. So I sat there and I gave my mind, my body, my emotions the permission to take their course for a few minutes. I waited for the wave of pain, brokenness, and shattered dreams to pass through me. It slowly worked it's way through every part of me and then quieted enough for me to hear again, but all I heard coming from the depths of my being was an onslaught of bewildered questions. "Why? Why would You take this away from me?! This is my heartbeat. This is what I've poured everything into for the past two years. Why is this the end, where do I go from here?" 

The conclusion of the colt starting business that me and my business partner had poured blood, sweat, and tears into for two solid years was threatening to undo me! If you have ever started a business from the ground up you understand exactly what I'm talking about here. It literally feels like you have given birth to something and breathed life into it. Watching something take shape through your hard work, through late nights, through overcoming roadblocks, through refusing to quit, develops a whole new level of grit and perseverance you didn't realize was humanly possible. This was certainly the case with our colt starting business American Heart Horsemanship! We stayed at the barn until 1am some days, riding colts in sub zero temperatures in the winter and record breaking highs in the summer. We hustled at our day jobs and then hustled for hours at the barn each afternoon and evening to make our horse business successful. In addition to the memories of immeasurable sacrifice and hard work a line of contrasting memories danced across the foreground of my mind. A particularly tough colt that was highly talented stepped into view in my mind. Smarty, a cute little sorrel that was High Brow Cat bred. I dedicated hours of work to this horse. I stuck with the groundwork way longer than I ever had on any other colt because he was telling me he wasn't ready to be rode yet. When he finally got there, when he finally showed me it was time, I couldn't have been more satisfied or proud! The first ride was beautiful! This horse went through the gaits with a smoothness and confidence that made my heart swell with joy. As expected he turned out to be one talented little son of a gun! Other images drifted softly through my mind. Taking young colts down country roads at sunset. Stepping off a colt that just wasn't seeming to get it, looping the reins over the saddle horn, and turning to walk discouraged towards the end of the arena only to feel a soft warm breath touch your arm as they chose of their own accord to follow you. Peaceful scenes of loping young colts late at night to the strains of country music flashed through my mind. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and pushed my hands against my forehead trying to stop the constant stream of memories pouring into my mind. I couldn't take it, I couldn't do it, I didn't understand and my heart was breaking. With my eyes still squeezed shut and my heart throbbing inside my chest my thoughts paused for a moment and a soft whisper broke through my overwhelmed thoughts. "I'm not finished yet." "Not finished? What?! Come again Lord. What do You mean?" No further answer came in response to my additional questions, but I had heard undeniably the softly spoken words, "I'm not finished yet." I dried my tears and stared out across the empty cornfield to the east of Pine Ridge Stables. I knew that the Lord wasn't going to give me the answer right at that moment. I knew He was asking me to place my faith and trust in who He is. He only writes good stories. He only paints beautiful pictures. No season ends before He plans for it to. Nothing dies that He doesn't have the capacity to bring back to life in a more glorious form than before. Every door He closes He holds the key to, He can open it again. Sometimes the most beautiful display of surrender is when we choose to trust Jesus with our shattered dreams, with the closed doors in our lives, with the ending of a season we cannot understand.

Recently I was sitting at a stoplight waiting to turn onto the on ramp to the interstate. There was a truck sitting in front of me and the turn arrow was flashing yellow. The truck in front of me proceeded to turn and I could have followed right along behind assuming that there was enough clear space for both of us to make it onto the ramp, but of course I didn't. I waited, I checked for myself to make sure there was enough space for me to make it safely through the intersection onto the ramp before I made the choice to go. For some reason that insignificant moment stuck in my mind and stood out to me. Maybe because I identify with it, maybe because it's what the last 9 months of my life has looked like. In the span of a lifetime the brief pause God has asked me to take, the way He's asked me to "look twice," before proceeding through the intersection is really only a moment. We do not know what the Lord is keeping us from or doing in us in the seasons He asks us to wait in the space of our unfinished story for Him to give us the signal to go. If I had proceeded through the intersection without that brief pause to check the intersection for myself I could have ended up in an accident. We are an unfinished masterpiece. Our story has not been fully written. Every season, every pause, every closed door, every new opportunity holds a purpose that sometimes goes unseen by us until God brings it into full view. When that truck was turning I couldn't see the danger that was possibly behind it until it fully cleared the intersection. We cannot always see what God is doing until He shifts and changes things in our lives to show us what He's been up to. But in that space where the unfinished state of your story seems to be bearing down on you and threatening to crush you God is working in ways you cannot yet see.

There are still many days that I miss starting colts. Training horses is a season of life I keep asking and trusting God to bring back into full view. He holds the key, He will unlock that door when the time is right. So here I am, standing in all the beauty and mess of my unfinished story, and friends, I'm okay. I know I won't sit here forever because the story goes on, it is unfinished. I'm coming to see the truth of unfinished as what breaths life and hope into my story, and into yours too. A story that isn't finished has to go on, it has to follow all the thrilling plot twists, the devastating lows, and glorious highs that embody every good story! In the space where the unfinished hurts, where it threatens to undo you, keep holding fast to Jesus, keep hustling towards your dreams, keep listening for His whisper of direction, but also rest in the beauty and security of unfinished. Being unfinished is not the trial we sometimes perceive it to be, in reality it's the hope that the next page, the next chapter, the remainder of the story holds more than we have the capacity to begin to imagine!

Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by my enemies?"

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God-- soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

Psalm 42:9 & 11 MSG

And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter.We all are formed by your hand.

Isaiah 64:8 NLT