Let's Hustle

May 1st, 2015, Kid darted into the small catch pen alongside another mustang his eyes wild with fear. Zig zagging back and forth along the fence line he sought desperately to find a way of escape. I watched as he lurched his small brown body against the panels holding him in and then ducked his head back down and circled the small circumference of the pen once again. I swallowed hard. In reality the wild fear he was feeling was exactly the same fear I had dealt with leading up to this moment. Did I want to compete in an Extreme Mustang Makeover? Yes! Was I scared witless of taking a mustang from wild to broke, also yes! In fact, my fear had driven me to consider pulling out of the competition. After my application had already been accepted but prior to picking up Kid I was hit with an onslaught of doubts and cold feet. I questioned my ability to tame a wild mustang, I questioned if I had all the resources I needed to work with him for four months and then travel to Fort Worth to compete. A phone call to my sister Anna gave me the kick in the pants I was needing. Despite the countless doubts and fears I voiced to her she didn't back down in her perspective of what was the right choice to make. She told me this was my dream, that I would find a way to make it work, that I was capable, and that fear should never be a reason we quit something, especially before even starting. I ended the phone call, took a deep breath, shoved the butterflies in my stomach back down. In that moment I decided I wanted to see what happened if I didn't quit.

Now I was here. This was the beginning of what not quitting looked like. This was the beginning of the story. Although the sight of Kid's wild fear was intimidating excitement caught within me and lit a flame that shone brightly. I didn't know what the journey was going to entail, but I knew I had without a doubt made the right choice to not quit!

Recently I was sitting at home praying about life direction. Interestingly enough as I was praying my eyes happened to land on a laminated chart in my closet. I walked over and picked it up. It was a schedule I had compiled while training Kid for the Extreme Mustang Makeover. It laid out in order of importance and categorized in classes that I would compete in what I needed to accomplish with Kid in four short months. At the end of the chart I had included a couple of inspirational quotes. Seeing this chart again caused me to reflect on setting goals and what they do or don't accomplish in our lives. A little later in the week I accidentally opened the notebook application in my phone. It immediately opened to a list I hadn't seen in ages. The list in my phone detailed things to accomplish with Kid before leaving for Fort Worth. I slowly browsed through the list as an insight I'd never had before hit me. There were lots of good things I aspired to accomplish with Kid. I wrote them down, I put them in my phone, I made charts, I kept my goals in front of me. But what grabbed my attention and made me stop was this. I did NOT accomplish everything on that list. Yes, you read that correctly. I did not train Kid everything I set out to in those four months. There were things on my list he still can't do to this day or he can't do them at the level I would like for him to. But guess what?! Honestly that doesn't really bother me. The reason being, we accomplished the big goal, and we did it well. All the smaller goals I set were simply a set of tracks to keep me headed towards the destination. They kept me focused, they kept me training hard every day, they kept me moving forward at the speed I needed to, but they were not the goal themselves. The goal was to go to Fort Worth, to compete at the Extreme Mustang Makeover, and to do myself and Kid proud at that competition.

I used to hate New Year's resolutions. I wouldn't even set them because I hate quitting something or not completing it to the extent I intended to. But reflecting on training Kid for the Extreme Mustang Makeover has taught me something. You have to reverse engineer your goal setting. Any good businessman or businesswoman will tell you that you start by putting the big rocks in the jar first and progress to the small ones at the top. This means you set the BIG goal first because the smaller ones will work themselves out if you know what your end goal is. Setting the big goal first gives us freedom in the smaller goals. It gives us wiggle room to fail, fall short, mess up, and yet to rise again and keep driving after the big goal! The coolest thing about setting the big goal first and not quitting is that you accomplish bigger and unexpected goals in the process! I may not have achieved every single little thing on my list with Kid, but in reality I accomplished other things I hadn't planned within the journey. Not only that, but the journey, the process changed me. It grew me as a horsewoman, it grew my perseverance, my confidence, my grit, and when I got to the big goal it was a feeling unlike any other! The little goals kept me on track, but the big goal created the little goals.

I've begun to adopt and test this theory in my life. Instead of setting a whole bunch of goals come New Year's I ask myself what my overall goal is for that year, what's the most important thing to me to achieve? Say that I decide it is to purchase a horse trailer and start showing my horse. All the little goals now start to fall into place and hold purpose. Not because I love the little goals in and of themselves, but because they're taking me towards the big goal. For me I need financial stability to purchase a horse trailer, and I want to be physically fit and at the top of my game to show my horse. How this may shake out in my life is getting up early to run during the week, taking care of my body by eating properly, keeping good track of my budget and refraining from spending on things I don't need to, being consistent at work so my income is where I need it to be. For me, these things are a whole lot easier to work hard at when I know that ultimately I'm hustling towards the big goal! But just like with training Kid for Fort Worth I change in the process. Almost by default I find I have a consistent morning routine, I find my body is gaining muscle tone, I find I'm alert, clear minded, inspired, and able to live my life to the fullest.

Kid and I made it to Fort Worth. We accomplished the big goal and came home satisfied and proud! We left it all on that arena floor. We gave it our best. We didn't make it to the finals, but we placed well, and won the Rookie of The Year belt buckle.

I don't know if this method of goal setting is something that is right for you, but I hope it inspires you to reconsider goals. Don't just throw the baby out with the bath water like I used to do. Don't not start just because you haven't found the right way to start yet! Being the best version of you and having the impact that God intends for you to takes work and sacrifice! It doesn't just magically happen. It takes an intentional choice on each one of our parts. It takes sweat, sacrifice, and enduring hardship. But please, please, don't let that stop you from hustling! The world needs you to be inspired, fully alive, the best version of you! This is what inspires others to choose life, this is what inspires others to hustle too, this is what paves the pathway for others to follow behind and to do great things too! There's a world filled with opportunities awaiting us, let's hustle!

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised.

Hebrews 10:36 NLT

And my righteous one will live by faith. But I will take no pleasure in anyone who turns away." But we are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones, whose souls will be saved.

Hebrews 10:38-39 NLT

Unfinished

March 30th, 2018 - I turned the corner  around the side of the barn and made a beeline for the semi tractor and trailer parked alongside the barn. Reaching the front of the tractor I looked around to make sure I was alone. No one in sight. My back slid down the front of the tractor, my head fell into my hands and I wept. "How could it end this way? How could this be the last chapter of the story?" My shoulders shook, I could hardly even pray. I couldn't make sense of my jumbled thoughts much less put my thoughts into words. So I sat there and I gave my mind, my body, my emotions the permission to take their course for a few minutes. I waited for the wave of pain, brokenness, and shattered dreams to pass through me. It slowly worked it's way through every part of me and then quieted enough for me to hear again, but all I heard coming from the depths of my being was an onslaught of bewildered questions. "Why? Why would You take this away from me?! This is my heartbeat. This is what I've poured everything into for the past two years. Why is this the end, where do I go from here?" 

The conclusion of the colt starting business that me and my business partner had poured blood, sweat, and tears into for two solid years was threatening to undo me! If you have ever started a business from the ground up you understand exactly what I'm talking about here. It literally feels like you have given birth to something and breathed life into it. Watching something take shape through your hard work, through late nights, through overcoming roadblocks, through refusing to quit, develops a whole new level of grit and perseverance you didn't realize was humanly possible. This was certainly the case with our colt starting business American Heart Horsemanship! We stayed at the barn until 1am some days, riding colts in sub zero temperatures in the winter and record breaking highs in the summer. We hustled at our day jobs and then hustled for hours at the barn each afternoon and evening to make our horse business successful. In addition to the memories of immeasurable sacrifice and hard work a line of contrasting memories danced across the foreground of my mind. A particularly tough colt that was highly talented stepped into view in my mind. Smarty, a cute little sorrel that was High Brow Cat bred. I dedicated hours of work to this horse. I stuck with the groundwork way longer than I ever had on any other colt because he was telling me he wasn't ready to be rode yet. When he finally got there, when he finally showed me it was time, I couldn't have been more satisfied or proud! The first ride was beautiful! This horse went through the gaits with a smoothness and confidence that made my heart swell with joy. As expected he turned out to be one talented little son of a gun! Other images drifted softly through my mind. Taking young colts down country roads at sunset. Stepping off a colt that just wasn't seeming to get it, looping the reins over the saddle horn, and turning to walk discouraged towards the end of the arena only to feel a soft warm breath touch your arm as they chose of their own accord to follow you. Peaceful scenes of loping young colts late at night to the strains of country music flashed through my mind. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and pushed my hands against my forehead trying to stop the constant stream of memories pouring into my mind. I couldn't take it, I couldn't do it, I didn't understand and my heart was breaking. With my eyes still squeezed shut and my heart throbbing inside my chest my thoughts paused for a moment and a soft whisper broke through my overwhelmed thoughts. "I'm not finished yet." "Not finished? What?! Come again Lord. What do You mean?" No further answer came in response to my additional questions, but I had heard undeniably the softly spoken words, "I'm not finished yet." I dried my tears and stared out across the empty cornfield to the east of Pine Ridge Stables. I knew that the Lord wasn't going to give me the answer right at that moment. I knew He was asking me to place my faith and trust in who He is. He only writes good stories. He only paints beautiful pictures. No season ends before He plans for it to. Nothing dies that He doesn't have the capacity to bring back to life in a more glorious form than before. Every door He closes He holds the key to, He can open it again. Sometimes the most beautiful display of surrender is when we choose to trust Jesus with our shattered dreams, with the closed doors in our lives, with the ending of a season we cannot understand.

Recently I was sitting at a stoplight waiting to turn onto the on ramp to the interstate. There was a truck sitting in front of me and the turn arrow was flashing yellow. The truck in front of me proceeded to turn and I could have followed right along behind assuming that there was enough clear space for both of us to make it onto the ramp, but of course I didn't. I waited, I checked for myself to make sure there was enough space for me to make it safely through the intersection onto the ramp before I made the choice to go. For some reason that insignificant moment stuck in my mind and stood out to me. Maybe because I identify with it, maybe because it's what the last 9 months of my life has looked like. In the span of a lifetime the brief pause God has asked me to take, the way He's asked me to "look twice," before proceeding through the intersection is really only a moment. We do not know what the Lord is keeping us from or doing in us in the seasons He asks us to wait in the space of our unfinished story for Him to give us the signal to go. If I had proceeded through the intersection without that brief pause to check the intersection for myself I could have ended up in an accident. We are an unfinished masterpiece. Our story has not been fully written. Every season, every pause, every closed door, every new opportunity holds a purpose that sometimes goes unseen by us until God brings it into full view. When that truck was turning I couldn't see the danger that was possibly behind it until it fully cleared the intersection. We cannot always see what God is doing until He shifts and changes things in our lives to show us what He's been up to. But in that space where the unfinished state of your story seems to be bearing down on you and threatening to crush you God is working in ways you cannot yet see.

There are still many days that I miss starting colts. Training horses is a season of life I keep asking and trusting God to bring back into full view. He holds the key, He will unlock that door when the time is right. So here I am, standing in all the beauty and mess of my unfinished story, and friends, I'm okay. I know I won't sit here forever because the story goes on, it is unfinished. I'm coming to see the truth of unfinished as what breaths life and hope into my story, and into yours too. A story that isn't finished has to go on, it has to follow all the thrilling plot twists, the devastating lows, and glorious highs that embody every good story! In the space where the unfinished hurts, where it threatens to undo you, keep holding fast to Jesus, keep hustling towards your dreams, keep listening for His whisper of direction, but also rest in the beauty and security of unfinished. Being unfinished is not the trial we sometimes perceive it to be, in reality it's the hope that the next page, the next chapter, the remainder of the story holds more than we have the capacity to begin to imagine!

Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down? Why am I walking around in tears, harassed by my enemies?"

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues? Fix my eyes on God-- soon I'll be praising again. He puts a smile on my face. He's my God.

Psalm 42:9 & 11 MSG

And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter.We all are formed by your hand.

Isaiah 64:8 NLT 

Choose Life

August of 2018 found me in Hill City, South Dakota on what I have come to call, "the trip of a lifetime!" Through a total God set of circumstances I was able to get away from work, life, and all of it's demands to ride horses with a group of friends in the Black Hills of South Dakota. This trip of a lifetime lasted 10 days and I was able to bring my own mustang Kid along to ride. It was a dream come true. The Black Hills hold a rugged beauty all their own that I didn't know existed. Riding twisting trails that took us around the backside of Mount Rushmore, taking our horses to to the top of the highest peak in South Dakota, following a trail through a valley that crossed the same creek time and time again, buffalo and antelope sightings name just a few of the highlights of this incredible trip! I could write a whole blog post about the adventures we experienced, the memories made, and the lessons learned on this trip. But today I want to share with you a very special gift the Lord bestowed on me on this trip, a surprise, something I never saw coming when I packed my bags and hit the road for South Dakota.

Before leaving for South Dakota I encountered some logistical complications and roadblocks in getting myself and Kid to South Dakota. Every time I prayed about it and asked the Lord if I was really supposed to go, if everything was going to work out, if I could swing it financially, the answer was crystal clear, "Trust Me and go! This trip is more than a vacation. I have something greater waiting for you in South Dakota." I wrestled to trust God at times as I obeyed and continued forward even when opposition hit me. But God's strong whisper was so clear every time I found myself doubting that I pushed forward believing Him for the good things He had in store for me in South Dakota. 

August 11, 2018, we arrived safely in Hill City, South Dakota. Any doubt or concerns I had prior to arriving in South Dakota quickly vanished upon arriving and getting settled. I knew immediately in the deep places of my heart  that this was indeed going to be the trip of a lifetime. Sunday morning before leaving for our first trail ride we all had a little church service in camp together. The beauty of God's creation, the fresh mountain air, the strains of 30 voices lifting up the song "Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone," in unison brought tears to my eyes. From there forward our group was on a mission to ride as many miles as possible on this vacation. Life took on a rhythm of an early morning start to accommodate hitting the trail by 8 or 8:30am each day. We typically spent 8 hours on the trail daily and often covered up to 25 miles. We rode through rain, sunshine, and hail covering a wide variety of terrain. Every day my heart felt full to overflowing. Every day all day I was doing what I love most. Enjoying God through creation from the back of my horse. Shortly into our trip I began to discover the "something greater," God had been speaking to me about before leaving for South Dakota. As we fell into our routine of trail riding all day every day God began to speak to me. Sure I spent plenty of time visiting with others on the trail, but in the quiet, in the in between, a silent conversation evolved naturally with the Lord. God began speaking to my heart about painful things that had happened in 2018 that we hadn't talked about yet. I hadn't been ready, and God in His kindness had been waiting for the time when He knew my heart was ready to handle it. Here in the stunning beauty of the Black Hills, in the comfort of my mustang Kid's presence, I was ready. He talked to me about heartbreak, about shattered dreams, about forgiveness. He challenged my view of myself in comparison to His view of me. He started healing my heart and setting me free from things that had held me in their grip for too long.

This conversation with Jesus ebbed and flowed beautifully as I rode the trails of the Black Hills. He didn't talk all the time, but when He did it made complete sense and it reached so deep and carried such power that it's mark will forever be on my heart and spirit. Sometimes the conversation continued or picked back up in the evenings. I was reading a novel by Karen Kingsbury on this trip called, "One Tuesday Morning." When I chose to pick this book up and start reading it last summer I had no clue how God was going to use it in my life. A portion of this book talks about navigating grief. The story line follows a woman who was widowed that "One Tuesday Morning," when planes were tragically flown first into the north tower and then the south on September 11th. In the aftermath of the loss of her husband Jamie is challenged through her deceased husband's journal to "Choose Life." Jake had put the verse Deuteronomy 30:19 in his journal. I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your descendants may live; (Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV) He then had written a prayer in his journal asking God that no matter what his wife faced in life, no matter what came her way, that she would always choose life. At the time of reading this I remember taking up my conversation with the Lord again asking Him how I could be "choosing life?" How I could order my life to do the things that cause me to feel truly alive, to choose the best version of me, to be fully present, fully living?!

Something pretty special that God has done for me every year for several years now is to give me a word or phrase for the year. I never know when this word or phrase is going to show up. Sometimes it is in keeping with the beginning of the New Year, sometimes God impresses the word or phrase on my heart at a totally different time. But always it becomes incredibly clear when God is asking me to receive a word or phrase to characterize my year. Sometimes it is over a period of time God makes this clear. I don't always recognize it's my word or phrase for a year when it first shows up. This was the case with the phrase, "Choose Life." I had no idea the Lord had just dropped the phrase He was going to ask me to embrace for 2019 into my heart that day. Nor did I have the slightest inkling of what He was going to take me through to show me the answers to my questions about how to choose life.

Since August of 2018 the phrase "Choose Life," has echoed in the corridors of my heart and showed up in my life countless times. When I hit some major road bumps at the end of 2018 the Lord challenged me to "Choose Life." Sometimes that meant going to line dancing on Thursday nights. Sometimes that meant leaving the house and spending time with a friend even when I didn't feel like it. Always it meant showing up, being willing to say yes to Jesus and life for another day and trusting Him with the rest!

Towards the end of 2018 I received a letter from a crisis pregnancy center. I opened it to find that the scripture they had chosen for their newsletter was Deuteronomy 30:19. I stared in disbelief at the newsletter. The whole theme of it was undoubtedly, "Choose Life." I shook my head as a smile spread across my face, "I can't believe this Lord. You keep putting this phrase in front of me. I hear you Lord. I'm listening!" About a week later on my drive to work I pulled up behind a vehicle at a stoplight and causally glanced at the license plate. I couldn't believe what met my eyes. Clear as day across the bottom of the license plate was the phrase, "Choose Life." I snatched my phone up from the seat beside me and snapped a quick picture. I wanted to remember this day God made it clear again that He was giving me this phrase for 2019! I chuckled to myself. Of course the state of Nebraska would create this alternative license plate right over the same time God was giving me this phrase for 2019! Only God could do something like that!

January 6th, 2019 Ashland, Nebraska, Riverview Community Church. The first Sunday of 2019 found me at my home church RCC listening to Pastor Anthony Pratt. When Anthony said that we were starting the New Year with a sermon series called "True Life," I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open in surprise. I couldn't believe that our first series of the New Year was in keeping with the theme God is giving me for this year. Furthermore when I glanced down at my Bible app on my phone God had yet another confirmation awaiting me. This is the text we were studying that Sunday. We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the word of life. This one WHO IS LIFE ITSELF was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is ETERNAL LIFE. He was with the Father, and then was revealed to us. (1 John 1:1-2 NLT) "This One who is life itself." Man, that phrase hit me right at my core. You see, to this point I had been exploring this phrase, "Choose Life," through the perspective of choosing things in my life that cause me to feel alive, bring me joy, and make me the best version of who God created me to be. I do in fact believe this is a piece of what this phrase calls us to. Numerous times recently God has challenged me to choose life over sadness, anxiety, anger, and sometimes that looks like choosing things that create life and joy in our lives instead. But in this moment in church when I looked down and this phrase "Who is life itself," jumped off the page to me I felt like I was experiencing an epiphany. Jesus does call us to choose life in specific and practical ways that we can physically carry out, but when we do this we are in essence choosing Jesus, because HE IS LIFE ITSELF. Anything that we experience as truly living, as joy filled, as feeling fully alive, this is from Jesus Himself. There is no life outside of Him, and when we choose Jesus, we choose life!

In closing I have two parting thoughts for you. I chose life for the first time when I said yes to Jesus as a nine year old girl. I realized that my sin separated me from spending eternity with Jesus. I came to the place where I recognized I needed to choose the gift of His life and death on the cross to be forgiven of my sins and set free here and now as well as for eternity. Peter in the book of Acts speaks to a crowd who had gathered around him after he told a lame man to walk in the name of Jesus. In addressing the crowd Peter tells them that they killed the Author of Life when they crucified Jesus on the cross. Peter goes on to tell them that God raised Jesus from the dead and challenges the crowd with these words. Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah. (Acts 3:19-20) If you want to read the complete story you can find it in Acts chapter 3. Life begins at the cross. We choose life for the very first time when we bow our knee to Jesus and admit we need the gift of eternal life He secured for us through His death and resurrection. Without receiving this gift we cannot experience true life at all. There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12 NLT) If you have not yet chosen life in this way, my challenge to you is to seek out the truth of this true life and begin your journey with Jesus in experiencing and exploring the beauty of choosing life in Him.

The second thought I am leaving you with is this. How are you choosing life and therefore choosing Jesus in 2019? What ways is He calling you to step out, to be brave, to do that hard thing, and choose the life He has for you? Choosing life isn't easy! It often looks a hundred times easier to choose death. Death screams at us to pay attention to it in the form of self pity, bitterness, negativity. But in the end we find it only produces brokenness and sorrow. When you hear Jesus whisper to, "Choose Life," this year and it looks hard, maybe even impossible to do so, grab a hold of this beautiful truth with me. When we choose life we choose Jesus, He is life itself! The road may be difficult at times, but I know there is no one I would rather choose than Jesus. I'm right beside you, wrestling, listening to Jesus, fighting to choose life!! I'm believing that together we can live victoriously choosing life and choosing Jesus in 2109!   

For in Him we LIVE and move and exist.

Acts 17:28a NLT

The Rescue

Saturday January 5th, 2019. An unseasonably warm Saturday reaching into the 50's, the perfect day to do some exploring with my trusty mustang Kid. I arrived at the barn with a sense of deep joy and peace. I always feel this way when I visit Kid. The smell of horses and sawdust coupled with the anticipation of an afternoon spent on horseback seeps into my soul and causes me to relax in the very deepest places inside of me. I pulled Kid in from the paddock and gave him some TLC, working nasty tangles out of his mane and braiding it. Throwing on his saddle we headed out to chase the adventure calling. I breathed deeply of the warm January air. I could have sworn I could feel my heart smiling as my Border Collie Cinch zig zagged back and forth in front of us, his nose to the ground catching every scent possible. I knew exactly where I wanted to head, County Road 15. The bridge on this road has been out for years, therefore causing County Road 15 to no longer be traveled. The overgrown path that used to be a road was just calling my name. We had to explore it!

Shortly down County Road 15 we came to the broken, crumbling bridge that caused the use of the road to come to an end. I urged Kid forward towards the creek and standing on the shoreline surveyed the situation. The bridge was definitely unsafe and not passable. I glanced west and then east to the sound of the creek bubbling and trickling. The banks of the creek were very steep but I felt sure there was a place Kid and I could make it across. Cinch plunged into the creek and buried his face joyfully while waving his butt in the air. This is Cinch's signature move when he finds water and always makes me chuckle. Pressing my legs against Kid's side I moved him forward following the shoreline all the while scanning for a place we could make it across. After a short jaunt to the east I found what I thought would be the perfect place to cross. A small trail led down the steep embankment and if I took a hard right once we reached the creek bed we could follow a small trail up the other side of the shore. I directed Kid towards the trail and asked him to follow it down to the creek. Kid hesitated and seemed to be saying, "I don't think this is a good idea." I persisted, "It's alright bud, we'll make it, just trust me." Kid balked a couple more times before taking me at my word and heading down the steep embankment. What happened next happened so quickly I barely had time to think. When Kid's hooves hit the creek bed it held him for only a second before he plunged into belly deep mud and began flailing desperately trying to scramble onto one of the steep embankments on either side of us. There was not even the split second of an opportunity to make the sharp right turn I had planned on. We were clamoring through belly deep mud headed in the wrong direction with the shoreline continuing to grow steeper on either side of us. Bailing sideways onto the shoreline while keeping Kid's reins in my hand I ran in front of him and hauled desperately on his face trying to help him to get his front feet out of the mud and onto the bank. Kid gave it a mighty effort and then stopped. Panting he looked at me wide eyed as if to say, "I'm really stuck mom, what now?" I knew instantaneously we were in a really bad situation! Kid could not get his front legs freed from the mud to get the leverage he needed to get on the shore. Not only that, the thick heavy winter mud was dragging him down. I could visibly see him sinking deeper in the mud and losing ground as he rested trying to regain strength to try again. 

When you're in deep water, when you know things are bad and are going to go from bad to worse quickly, you have to call for help! With shaking hands I gave the couple where I board Kid a quick phone call and told them I got my horse stuck in the creek. I explained where I was from their property and told them to bring ropes. I said he was attempting to get out but losing strength quickly and I didn't want him to lose so much strength that he quit trying.

While waiting for Richard, Mike, Josh and Alyssa to show up Kid made several more valiant efforts at getting out of the creek. One time he even got his front legs on the shoreline but he didn't have the proper positioning he needed to lift his butt out of the mud constantly sucking him down. When he struggled again I hauled on the reins with all my might but instead of making forward progress he turned sideways and fell back in the creek. The mud seemed to be gaining more power with each passing second and Kid was losing strength at a rapid rate. His nostrils flared and his eyes grew wide with panic!! My heart had never felt the intensity of pain and urgency I felt in those moments knowing my baby was stuck in a terrible situation that had the potential to end in tragedy! Kneeling next to him I rubbed his neck and told him help was coming, and we were gonna get him out. He quieted and drew strength from my presence. Even though I put him in the horrible situation we found ourselves in he still believed me when I said I would rescue him. 

The help crew showed up with a truck, four wheeler, and heavy duty tow rope. It only took one glance for them to access that the situation was very bad and going downhill quickly. The sun was creeping towards the horizon as we all sprang into action and tried to develop a game plan. We tried to run the tow rope behind Kid's front legs only to find that the mud was thick under his belly and we couldn't get the tow rope through. In an effort to help Kid quickly we looped the tow rope over the saddle horn and hooked him up to the four wheeler. Richard eased carefully backwards. The saddle began sliding sideways off of Kid and he seemed to almost be being shoved deeper into the mire. We yelled at Richard to quit as I rushed to Kid's side trying to figure out how else we could hook onto him. Kid began to shake violently from the temperature of the water and I went into full on panic mode shouting that Kid was going into shock and losing the strength to fight. We had to get him out, now! Something in Kid's eyes told me he was quitting on us and that was the worst feeling I'd ever had hit my gut. It wrapped it's ugly fingers around my insides and threatened to squeeze the breath out of me in fear and panic! Forcing myself to breath we tried to come up with a new plan. I had snapped a rein trying to help pull him out, so we were down to one rein. Richard said he was going to take the four wheeler back to the barn and get a halter so we had more leverage to help pull on his head when we got hooked onto him properly and pulled again. Mike swung into immediate action once Richard was gone. He too could see we were losing Kid. "We've got to get his front legs up on the bank" he shouted. Jumping into the creek with not a thought to the cold water Mike began pushing with all his might to get the thick tow rope underneath the pommel of the saddle so we could loop it back through itself. The thick heavy tow rope was refusing to fit through that tiny space, but somehow, miraculously Mike got it through. We looped it back through itself and Mike went running towards his truck as Alyssa hooked the rope onto the tow hook. I yelled at Josh to come help me pull on Kid's head. We ran the broken rein back through his bit and tied it on so we both had something to pull on. With the truck in 4 wheel drive, and Josh and I pulling on Kid's head to provide direction we slowly lifted his front legs out of the mud and onto the bank. Josh and I hung onto the reins as if our lives depended on it. The truck had to be re-positioned to now successfully drag Kid's whole body up the bank. Kid had indeed quit trying. He had nothing left. He sat there with his legs precariously on the shore shaking violently and slowly sliding back towards the muddy abyss we had just gotten him halfway pulled out of. I turned my head so Mike could hear me while still clutching my rein to keep Kid's head towards me and screamed, "Get that truck turned around, we have to pull him NOW! Let's GO!" Mike whipped the truck around in the corn field and Alyssa looped the tow rope over the hook once again. I screamed, "LET'S MOVE!" As Kid's body slowly and painfully began to emerge from the mud I continued to yell, "Go, Go, Go!" I knew we were standing between life and death in that moment. If Kid's body slipped back into the mire of the creek one more time and it reclaimed it's grip on him, we would lose him. He was out of strength and losing hope of being rescued. Josh and I continued to pull him forward as the truck hauled his body over the edge of the embankment. The saddle was sliding swiftly up Kid's neck in the process of pulling him out. Just as we were getting him freed from the clutch of the creek the saddle popped over Kid's head. I fell down and Kid hesitated when I lost pressure on his face. Scrambling to my feet I waved my hands and shouted, "Go, get out, come on boy!" Kid responded to my urgency and now having surged up on his front feet clamored forward removing his back legs from the mud and rising completely out of the creek. Running up the embankment after him close to tears I rushed to his side and leaned against him, both him and I shaking. Me from adrenaline, him from adrenaline, cold, and near shock condition. I cannot express to you what I felt when that mud and mire no longer had it's ugly clutch on him. The relief and inexpressible joy that overtook me left me incapable of words.

Y'all, I don't ever need to experience something like that twice in my life. But as I've reflected on how God sent His favor, mercy, and rescuing power in getting Kid out of that creek I've been moved to tears thinking how Kid's situation correlates to our lives. You see like Kid sometimes in our lives we get into such a deep, hard, destroying, swallowing place that we are panicked, hopeless and we've quit, we have no strength to try to get out of the mire anymore. In my mind's eye I can just picture God showing up on the scene, and in my heart I feel the emotions God may have for His child in that moment. It's like He shows up and says, "I AM getting you out of here. I'm not going to let this situation, this pain, this depression, this muck in your life swallow you alive. Whatever it takes you're coming out. LET'S GO! LET'S MOVE!" What my heart felt for my horse is only a fraction of the love and compassion God has for us, His children. On this day I experienced the strength of God's compassion and love for us when He finds us in need of rescue like I never have before. My horse was coming out of that creek, period. There was not another option in my mind, and neither is there with God. He will never leave us sinking, drowning, swallowed up by the darkness Satan and this world tries to destroy us with. He will ALWAYS come to our rescue. He will ALWAYS bring us safely home!

Today is the day for you to look up and see your Savoir has showed up on the scene. Whatever it takes, He's getting you out! The power of His love and His capacity to rescue is limitless! He's going to move you from death to life. From darkness to light. From defeat to victory. From shame to grace. From fear to faith. From sorrow to joy! From dread to expectation. From bondage to freedom. From mourning to dancing. He's got you, He's gonna get you out. It's time to MOVE, NOW!

Kid is safely home. His muddy body tells a story, just as our scars speak of what we've made it through, what we have survived. Even when Kid quit on us, we had a rescue mission, and we were not backing down. So it is with you and me. No matter what we do, no matter what deep dark mud pit we find ourselves, no matter how far we fall, or how deep or dark the sorrow is that we don't believe  we will make it through, we will. Because our God has a rescue mission, and He will not back down. He will rescue us, He will bring us safely home, and we will live to tell the story! 

"To the one who has rescued my soul,

To the one who has welcomed me home, 

To the one who is Savior of all,

I sing forever."

~ Hillsong

The Next Step

Happy New Year!! It feels great to be sitting here composing my first post in the New Year, 2019! My heart is so filled with hope and excitement for this year. We all have goals we are hoping and working to achieve in the upcoming year. There are limitless podcasts, blog posts, and books written on the subject of setting smart goals and reaching them, but that's not what I want to visit with you about today. I want to have a heart to heart chat about "the next step." 

Goals and dreams are incredible and handled properly they accomplish great things. But has anyone ever been through a time where you stopped dreaming? Where your world closed in on you and became so small you could barely see the next step in front of you, much less the bigger picture of your long term hopes and dreams? I have. As shared in my blog post "In The Door," 2018 was a shake you to your core hard year for me. I hit the lowest place I've been to more than once in 2018. Yet life springs from death, joy follows sorrow, and it was and is through what I walked through in 2018 that God has been teaching me the power of "the next step."

As 2018 drew to a close I was in a pretty low place. The rug had been ripped out from under me. The direction I had been confident I was headed in had done a 180 and left me reeling saying, "Alright, what now Lord?" The answer came in a quiet steady whisper that echoed through the weeks that followed. I kept hearing the same thing over and over again, "Just take the next step."

In asking the Lord what was the next step and how to overcome the pain I was wrestling with daily something completely unexpected happened. I would have guessed the next step would be something big, something drastic. Maybe a career change, a move, a new business venture, anything to grab my attention and dull the pain I was struggling through internally, but it wasn't. No, the next step was much simpler than what I would have chosen if it was up to me. Through a crazy set of circumstances I felt the Lord challenging me to step out and start attending line dancing lessons. I have wanted to learn to dance for some time. But I had never before made time for it or sought it out until I reached this point in my journey where I was pleading with God to show me how to take the next step. I couldn't see the big picture, my world had closed in on me, and I was in a place of pain and vulnerability that I have felt very few times in my life. Line dancing seemed an interesting choice for "the next step," but I decided I would follow what God was putting on my heart and see what happened.

For about two months now on Thursday nights you can find me at Bushwhackers in Ralston, NE dancing the night away. I've changed in ways I never anticipated through taking the next step! Let me tell you, God has great ideas! The first time I showed up at Bushwhackers for the dance lesson I was nervous, I felt out of place, I was worried I would make a fool of myself, but I showed up, I took the next step. That initial step has led to hundreds of additional steps, literally! God has opened my heart back up through dancing in a way I never dreamed was possible. When I walk in that door on Thursday nights it is like my brain responds to what it knows the night holds, I immediately feel my spirits lifting. No matter how tired I am, no matter what the week has held, it falls off my shoulders. As the country music plays and we all stomp our boots and shimmy across the floor I can't help but smile and recognize how the next step has led me to new life and joy!

There is a time and a place for setting big goals, and dreaming is powerful and important. But let me tell you, if you barely know how to take the next step, I have been there. If you hear anything today, please hear that the next step is simpler than you think. What is your next step? It might not be dancing for you, but there is a next step, I promise you! In your pain, in your struggle all you have to be willing to do is show up, take the next step, and then just let God do His thing! There is joy around the corner for you, the next step may be painful now, but if you take it new life and joy awaits you. If you've always wanted to try line dancing, you know where to find me on Thursday nights, at Bushwhackers learning the next step! :-)