Choose Life

August of 2018 found me in Hill City, South Dakota on what I have come to call, "the trip of a lifetime!" Through a total God set of circumstances I was able to get away from work, life, and all of it's demands to ride horses with a group of friends in the Black Hills of South Dakota. This trip of a lifetime lasted 10 days and I was able to bring my own mustang Kid along to ride. It was a dream come true. The Black Hills hold a rugged beauty all their own that I didn't know existed. Riding twisting trails that took us around the backside of Mount Rushmore, taking our horses to to the top of the highest peak in South Dakota, following a trail through a valley that crossed the same creek time and time again, buffalo and antelope sightings name just a few of the highlights of this incredible trip! I could write a whole blog post about the adventures we experienced, the memories made, and the lessons learned on this trip. But today I want to share with you a very special gift the Lord bestowed on me on this trip, a surprise, something I never saw coming when I packed my bags and hit the road for South Dakota.

Before leaving for South Dakota I encountered some logistical complications and roadblocks in getting myself and Kid to South Dakota. Every time I prayed about it and asked the Lord if I was really supposed to go, if everything was going to work out, if I could swing it financially, the answer was crystal clear, "Trust Me and go! This trip is more than a vacation. I have something greater waiting for you in South Dakota." I wrestled to trust God at times as I obeyed and continued forward even when opposition hit me. But God's strong whisper was so clear every time I found myself doubting that I pushed forward believing Him for the good things He had in store for me in South Dakota. 

August 11, 2018, we arrived safely in Hill City, South Dakota. Any doubt or concerns I had prior to arriving in South Dakota quickly vanished upon arriving and getting settled. I knew immediately in the deep places of my heart  that this was indeed going to be the trip of a lifetime. Sunday morning before leaving for our first trail ride we all had a little church service in camp together. The beauty of God's creation, the fresh mountain air, the strains of 30 voices lifting up the song "Amazing Grace My Chains Are Gone," in unison brought tears to my eyes. From there forward our group was on a mission to ride as many miles as possible on this vacation. Life took on a rhythm of an early morning start to accommodate hitting the trail by 8 or 8:30am each day. We typically spent 8 hours on the trail daily and often covered up to 25 miles. We rode through rain, sunshine, and hail covering a wide variety of terrain. Every day my heart felt full to overflowing. Every day all day I was doing what I love most. Enjoying God through creation from the back of my horse. Shortly into our trip I began to discover the "something greater," God had been speaking to me about before leaving for South Dakota. As we fell into our routine of trail riding all day every day God began to speak to me. Sure I spent plenty of time visiting with others on the trail, but in the quiet, in the in between, a silent conversation evolved naturally with the Lord. God began speaking to my heart about painful things that had happened in 2018 that we hadn't talked about yet. I hadn't been ready, and God in His kindness had been waiting for the time when He knew my heart was ready to handle it. Here in the stunning beauty of the Black Hills, in the comfort of my mustang Kid's presence, I was ready. He talked to me about heartbreak, about shattered dreams, about forgiveness. He challenged my view of myself in comparison to His view of me. He started healing my heart and setting me free from things that had held me in their grip for too long.

This conversation with Jesus ebbed and flowed beautifully as I rode the trails of the Black Hills. He didn't talk all the time, but when He did it made complete sense and it reached so deep and carried such power that it's mark will forever be on my heart and spirit. Sometimes the conversation continued or picked back up in the evenings. I was reading a novel by Karen Kingsbury on this trip called, "One Tuesday Morning." When I chose to pick this book up and start reading it last summer I had no clue how God was going to use it in my life. A portion of this book talks about navigating grief. The story line follows a woman who was widowed that "One Tuesday Morning," when planes were tragically flown first into the north tower and then the south on September 11th. In the aftermath of the loss of her husband Jamie is challenged through her deceased husband's journal to "Choose Life." Jake had put the verse Deuteronomy 30:19 in his journal. I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore CHOOSE LIFE, that both you and your descendants may live; (Deuteronomy 30:19 NKJV) He then had written a prayer in his journal asking God that no matter what his wife faced in life, no matter what came her way, that she would always choose life. At the time of reading this I remember taking up my conversation with the Lord again asking Him how I could be "choosing life?" How I could order my life to do the things that cause me to feel truly alive, to choose the best version of me, to be fully present, fully living?!

Something pretty special that God has done for me every year for several years now is to give me a word or phrase for the year. I never know when this word or phrase is going to show up. Sometimes it is in keeping with the beginning of the New Year, sometimes God impresses the word or phrase on my heart at a totally different time. But always it becomes incredibly clear when God is asking me to receive a word or phrase to characterize my year. Sometimes it is over a period of time God makes this clear. I don't always recognize it's my word or phrase for a year when it first shows up. This was the case with the phrase, "Choose Life." I had no idea the Lord had just dropped the phrase He was going to ask me to embrace for 2019 into my heart that day. Nor did I have the slightest inkling of what He was going to take me through to show me the answers to my questions about how to choose life.

Since August of 2018 the phrase "Choose Life," has echoed in the corridors of my heart and showed up in my life countless times. When I hit some major road bumps at the end of 2018 the Lord challenged me to "Choose Life." Sometimes that meant going to line dancing on Thursday nights. Sometimes that meant leaving the house and spending time with a friend even when I didn't feel like it. Always it meant showing up, being willing to say yes to Jesus and life for another day and trusting Him with the rest!

Towards the end of 2018 I received a letter from a crisis pregnancy center. I opened it to find that the scripture they had chosen for their newsletter was Deuteronomy 30:19. I stared in disbelief at the newsletter. The whole theme of it was undoubtedly, "Choose Life." I shook my head as a smile spread across my face, "I can't believe this Lord. You keep putting this phrase in front of me. I hear you Lord. I'm listening!" About a week later on my drive to work I pulled up behind a vehicle at a stoplight and causally glanced at the license plate. I couldn't believe what met my eyes. Clear as day across the bottom of the license plate was the phrase, "Choose Life." I snatched my phone up from the seat beside me and snapped a quick picture. I wanted to remember this day God made it clear again that He was giving me this phrase for 2019! I chuckled to myself. Of course the state of Nebraska would create this alternative license plate right over the same time God was giving me this phrase for 2019! Only God could do something like that!

January 6th, 2019 Ashland, Nebraska, Riverview Community Church. The first Sunday of 2019 found me at my home church RCC listening to Pastor Anthony Pratt. When Anthony said that we were starting the New Year with a sermon series called "True Life," I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open in surprise. I couldn't believe that our first series of the New Year was in keeping with the theme God is giving me for this year. Furthermore when I glanced down at my Bible app on my phone God had yet another confirmation awaiting me. This is the text we were studying that Sunday. We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the word of life. This one WHO IS LIFE ITSELF was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is ETERNAL LIFE. He was with the Father, and then was revealed to us. (1 John 1:1-2 NLT) "This One who is life itself." Man, that phrase hit me right at my core. You see, to this point I had been exploring this phrase, "Choose Life," through the perspective of choosing things in my life that cause me to feel alive, bring me joy, and make me the best version of who God created me to be. I do in fact believe this is a piece of what this phrase calls us to. Numerous times recently God has challenged me to choose life over sadness, anxiety, anger, and sometimes that looks like choosing things that create life and joy in our lives instead. But in this moment in church when I looked down and this phrase "Who is life itself," jumped off the page to me I felt like I was experiencing an epiphany. Jesus does call us to choose life in specific and practical ways that we can physically carry out, but when we do this we are in essence choosing Jesus, because HE IS LIFE ITSELF. Anything that we experience as truly living, as joy filled, as feeling fully alive, this is from Jesus Himself. There is no life outside of Him, and when we choose Jesus, we choose life!

In closing I have two parting thoughts for you. I chose life for the first time when I said yes to Jesus as a nine year old girl. I realized that my sin separated me from spending eternity with Jesus. I came to the place where I recognized I needed to choose the gift of His life and death on the cross to be forgiven of my sins and set free here and now as well as for eternity. Peter in the book of Acts speaks to a crowd who had gathered around him after he told a lame man to walk in the name of Jesus. In addressing the crowd Peter tells them that they killed the Author of Life when they crucified Jesus on the cross. Peter goes on to tell them that God raised Jesus from the dead and challenges the crowd with these words. Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah. (Acts 3:19-20) If you want to read the complete story you can find it in Acts chapter 3. Life begins at the cross. We choose life for the very first time when we bow our knee to Jesus and admit we need the gift of eternal life He secured for us through His death and resurrection. Without receiving this gift we cannot experience true life at all. There is salvation in no one else! God has given no other name under heaven by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12 NLT) If you have not yet chosen life in this way, my challenge to you is to seek out the truth of this true life and begin your journey with Jesus in experiencing and exploring the beauty of choosing life in Him.

The second thought I am leaving you with is this. How are you choosing life and therefore choosing Jesus in 2019? What ways is He calling you to step out, to be brave, to do that hard thing, and choose the life He has for you? Choosing life isn't easy! It often looks a hundred times easier to choose death. Death screams at us to pay attention to it in the form of self pity, bitterness, negativity. But in the end we find it only produces brokenness and sorrow. When you hear Jesus whisper to, "Choose Life," this year and it looks hard, maybe even impossible to do so, grab a hold of this beautiful truth with me. When we choose life we choose Jesus, He is life itself! The road may be difficult at times, but I know there is no one I would rather choose than Jesus. I'm right beside you, wrestling, listening to Jesus, fighting to choose life!! I'm believing that together we can live victoriously choosing life and choosing Jesus in 2109!   

For in Him we LIVE and move and exist.

Acts 17:28a NLT

The Rescue

Saturday January 5th, 2019. An unseasonably warm Saturday reaching into the 50's, the perfect day to do some exploring with my trusty mustang Kid. I arrived at the barn with a sense of deep joy and peace. I always feel this way when I visit Kid. The smell of horses and sawdust coupled with the anticipation of an afternoon spent on horseback seeps into my soul and causes me to relax in the very deepest places inside of me. I pulled Kid in from the paddock and gave him some TLC, working nasty tangles out of his mane and braiding it. Throwing on his saddle we headed out to chase the adventure calling. I breathed deeply of the warm January air. I could have sworn I could feel my heart smiling as my Border Collie Cinch zig zagged back and forth in front of us, his nose to the ground catching every scent possible. I knew exactly where I wanted to head, County Road 15. The bridge on this road has been out for years, therefore causing County Road 15 to no longer be traveled. The overgrown path that used to be a road was just calling my name. We had to explore it!

Shortly down County Road 15 we came to the broken, crumbling bridge that caused the use of the road to come to an end. I urged Kid forward towards the creek and standing on the shoreline surveyed the situation. The bridge was definitely unsafe and not passable. I glanced west and then east to the sound of the creek bubbling and trickling. The banks of the creek were very steep but I felt sure there was a place Kid and I could make it across. Cinch plunged into the creek and buried his face joyfully while waving his butt in the air. This is Cinch's signature move when he finds water and always makes me chuckle. Pressing my legs against Kid's side I moved him forward following the shoreline all the while scanning for a place we could make it across. After a short jaunt to the east I found what I thought would be the perfect place to cross. A small trail led down the steep embankment and if I took a hard right once we reached the creek bed we could follow a small trail up the other side of the shore. I directed Kid towards the trail and asked him to follow it down to the creek. Kid hesitated and seemed to be saying, "I don't think this is a good idea." I persisted, "It's alright bud, we'll make it, just trust me." Kid balked a couple more times before taking me at my word and heading down the steep embankment. What happened next happened so quickly I barely had time to think. When Kid's hooves hit the creek bed it held him for only a second before he plunged into belly deep mud and began flailing desperately trying to scramble onto one of the steep embankments on either side of us. There was not even the split second of an opportunity to make the sharp right turn I had planned on. We were clamoring through belly deep mud headed in the wrong direction with the shoreline continuing to grow steeper on either side of us. Bailing sideways onto the shoreline while keeping Kid's reins in my hand I ran in front of him and hauled desperately on his face trying to help him to get his front feet out of the mud and onto the bank. Kid gave it a mighty effort and then stopped. Panting he looked at me wide eyed as if to say, "I'm really stuck mom, what now?" I knew instantaneously we were in a really bad situation! Kid could not get his front legs freed from the mud to get the leverage he needed to get on the shore. Not only that, the thick heavy winter mud was dragging him down. I could visibly see him sinking deeper in the mud and losing ground as he rested trying to regain strength to try again. 

When you're in deep water, when you know things are bad and are going to go from bad to worse quickly, you have to call for help! With shaking hands I gave the couple where I board Kid a quick phone call and told them I got my horse stuck in the creek. I explained where I was from their property and told them to bring ropes. I said he was attempting to get out but losing strength quickly and I didn't want him to lose so much strength that he quit trying.

While waiting for Richard, Mike, Josh and Alyssa to show up Kid made several more valiant efforts at getting out of the creek. One time he even got his front legs on the shoreline but he didn't have the proper positioning he needed to lift his butt out of the mud constantly sucking him down. When he struggled again I hauled on the reins with all my might but instead of making forward progress he turned sideways and fell back in the creek. The mud seemed to be gaining more power with each passing second and Kid was losing strength at a rapid rate. His nostrils flared and his eyes grew wide with panic!! My heart had never felt the intensity of pain and urgency I felt in those moments knowing my baby was stuck in a terrible situation that had the potential to end in tragedy! Kneeling next to him I rubbed his neck and told him help was coming, and we were gonna get him out. He quieted and drew strength from my presence. Even though I put him in the horrible situation we found ourselves in he still believed me when I said I would rescue him. 

The help crew showed up with a truck, four wheeler, and heavy duty tow rope. It only took one glance for them to access that the situation was very bad and going downhill quickly. The sun was creeping towards the horizon as we all sprang into action and tried to develop a game plan. We tried to run the tow rope behind Kid's front legs only to find that the mud was thick under his belly and we couldn't get the tow rope through. In an effort to help Kid quickly we looped the tow rope over the saddle horn and hooked him up to the four wheeler. Richard eased carefully backwards. The saddle began sliding sideways off of Kid and he seemed to almost be being shoved deeper into the mire. We yelled at Richard to quit as I rushed to Kid's side trying to figure out how else we could hook onto him. Kid began to shake violently from the temperature of the water and I went into full on panic mode shouting that Kid was going into shock and losing the strength to fight. We had to get him out, now! Something in Kid's eyes told me he was quitting on us and that was the worst feeling I'd ever had hit my gut. It wrapped it's ugly fingers around my insides and threatened to squeeze the breath out of me in fear and panic! Forcing myself to breath we tried to come up with a new plan. I had snapped a rein trying to help pull him out, so we were down to one rein. Richard said he was going to take the four wheeler back to the barn and get a halter so we had more leverage to help pull on his head when we got hooked onto him properly and pulled again. Mike swung into immediate action once Richard was gone. He too could see we were losing Kid. "We've got to get his front legs up on the bank" he shouted. Jumping into the creek with not a thought to the cold water Mike began pushing with all his might to get the thick tow rope underneath the pommel of the saddle so we could loop it back through itself. The thick heavy tow rope was refusing to fit through that tiny space, but somehow, miraculously Mike got it through. We looped it back through itself and Mike went running towards his truck as Alyssa hooked the rope onto the tow hook. I yelled at Josh to come help me pull on Kid's head. We ran the broken rein back through his bit and tied it on so we both had something to pull on. With the truck in 4 wheel drive, and Josh and I pulling on Kid's head to provide direction we slowly lifted his front legs out of the mud and onto the bank. Josh and I hung onto the reins as if our lives depended on it. The truck had to be re-positioned to now successfully drag Kid's whole body up the bank. Kid had indeed quit trying. He had nothing left. He sat there with his legs precariously on the shore shaking violently and slowly sliding back towards the muddy abyss we had just gotten him halfway pulled out of. I turned my head so Mike could hear me while still clutching my rein to keep Kid's head towards me and screamed, "Get that truck turned around, we have to pull him NOW! Let's GO!" Mike whipped the truck around in the corn field and Alyssa looped the tow rope over the hook once again. I screamed, "LET'S MOVE!" As Kid's body slowly and painfully began to emerge from the mud I continued to yell, "Go, Go, Go!" I knew we were standing between life and death in that moment. If Kid's body slipped back into the mire of the creek one more time and it reclaimed it's grip on him, we would lose him. He was out of strength and losing hope of being rescued. Josh and I continued to pull him forward as the truck hauled his body over the edge of the embankment. The saddle was sliding swiftly up Kid's neck in the process of pulling him out. Just as we were getting him freed from the clutch of the creek the saddle popped over Kid's head. I fell down and Kid hesitated when I lost pressure on his face. Scrambling to my feet I waved my hands and shouted, "Go, get out, come on boy!" Kid responded to my urgency and now having surged up on his front feet clamored forward removing his back legs from the mud and rising completely out of the creek. Running up the embankment after him close to tears I rushed to his side and leaned against him, both him and I shaking. Me from adrenaline, him from adrenaline, cold, and near shock condition. I cannot express to you what I felt when that mud and mire no longer had it's ugly clutch on him. The relief and inexpressible joy that overtook me left me incapable of words.

Y'all, I don't ever need to experience something like that twice in my life. But as I've reflected on how God sent His favor, mercy, and rescuing power in getting Kid out of that creek I've been moved to tears thinking how Kid's situation correlates to our lives. You see like Kid sometimes in our lives we get into such a deep, hard, destroying, swallowing place that we are panicked, hopeless and we've quit, we have no strength to try to get out of the mire anymore. In my mind's eye I can just picture God showing up on the scene, and in my heart I feel the emotions God may have for His child in that moment. It's like He shows up and says, "I AM getting you out of here. I'm not going to let this situation, this pain, this depression, this muck in your life swallow you alive. Whatever it takes you're coming out. LET'S GO! LET'S MOVE!" What my heart felt for my horse is only a fraction of the love and compassion God has for us, His children. On this day I experienced the strength of God's compassion and love for us when He finds us in need of rescue like I never have before. My horse was coming out of that creek, period. There was not another option in my mind, and neither is there with God. He will never leave us sinking, drowning, swallowed up by the darkness Satan and this world tries to destroy us with. He will ALWAYS come to our rescue. He will ALWAYS bring us safely home!

Today is the day for you to look up and see your Savoir has showed up on the scene. Whatever it takes, He's getting you out! The power of His love and His capacity to rescue is limitless! He's going to move you from death to life. From darkness to light. From defeat to victory. From shame to grace. From fear to faith. From sorrow to joy! From dread to expectation. From bondage to freedom. From mourning to dancing. He's got you, He's gonna get you out. It's time to MOVE, NOW!

Kid is safely home. His muddy body tells a story, just as our scars speak of what we've made it through, what we have survived. Even when Kid quit on us, we had a rescue mission, and we were not backing down. So it is with you and me. No matter what we do, no matter what deep dark mud pit we find ourselves, no matter how far we fall, or how deep or dark the sorrow is that we don't believe  we will make it through, we will. Because our God has a rescue mission, and He will not back down. He will rescue us, He will bring us safely home, and we will live to tell the story! 

"To the one who has rescued my soul,

To the one who has welcomed me home, 

To the one who is Savior of all,

I sing forever."

~ Hillsong

The Next Step

Happy New Year!! It feels great to be sitting here composing my first post in the New Year, 2019! My heart is so filled with hope and excitement for this year. We all have goals we are hoping and working to achieve in the upcoming year. There are limitless podcasts, blog posts, and books written on the subject of setting smart goals and reaching them, but that's not what I want to visit with you about today. I want to have a heart to heart chat about "the next step." 

Goals and dreams are incredible and handled properly they accomplish great things. But has anyone ever been through a time where you stopped dreaming? Where your world closed in on you and became so small you could barely see the next step in front of you, much less the bigger picture of your long term hopes and dreams? I have. As shared in my blog post "In The Door," 2018 was a shake you to your core hard year for me. I hit the lowest place I've been to more than once in 2018. Yet life springs from death, joy follows sorrow, and it was and is through what I walked through in 2018 that God has been teaching me the power of "the next step."

As 2018 drew to a close I was in a pretty low place. The rug had been ripped out from under me. The direction I had been confident I was headed in had done a 180 and left me reeling saying, "Alright, what now Lord?" The answer came in a quiet steady whisper that echoed through the weeks that followed. I kept hearing the same thing over and over again, "Just take the next step."

In asking the Lord what was the next step and how to overcome the pain I was wrestling with daily something completely unexpected happened. I would have guessed the next step would be something big, something drastic. Maybe a career change, a move, a new business venture, anything to grab my attention and dull the pain I was struggling through internally, but it wasn't. No, the next step was much simpler than what I would have chosen if it was up to me. Through a crazy set of circumstances I felt the Lord challenging me to step out and start attending line dancing lessons. I have wanted to learn to dance for some time. But I had never before made time for it or sought it out until I reached this point in my journey where I was pleading with God to show me how to take the next step. I couldn't see the big picture, my world had closed in on me, and I was in a place of pain and vulnerability that I have felt very few times in my life. Line dancing seemed an interesting choice for "the next step," but I decided I would follow what God was putting on my heart and see what happened.

For about two months now on Thursday nights you can find me at Bushwhackers in Ralston, NE dancing the night away. I've changed in ways I never anticipated through taking the next step! Let me tell you, God has great ideas! The first time I showed up at Bushwhackers for the dance lesson I was nervous, I felt out of place, I was worried I would make a fool of myself, but I showed up, I took the next step. That initial step has led to hundreds of additional steps, literally! God has opened my heart back up through dancing in a way I never dreamed was possible. When I walk in that door on Thursday nights it is like my brain responds to what it knows the night holds, I immediately feel my spirits lifting. No matter how tired I am, no matter what the week has held, it falls off my shoulders. As the country music plays and we all stomp our boots and shimmy across the floor I can't help but smile and recognize how the next step has led me to new life and joy!

There is a time and a place for setting big goals, and dreaming is powerful and important. But let me tell you, if you barely know how to take the next step, I have been there. If you hear anything today, please hear that the next step is simpler than you think. What is your next step? It might not be dancing for you, but there is a next step, I promise you! In your pain, in your struggle all you have to be willing to do is show up, take the next step, and then just let God do His thing! There is joy around the corner for you, the next step may be painful now, but if you take it new life and joy awaits you. If you've always wanted to try line dancing, you know where to find me on Thursday nights, at Bushwhackers learning the next step! :-)

In The Door

Everyone is full of thoughts, hopes, reflections, dreams and goals as one year ends and another commences. I'm no different in that the end of a year always fills me with nostalgia. I find myself spending hours writing in my journal attempting to recap the year that has just passed, which in turn lends itself to lengthy periods of day dreaming looking forward to all I hope the new year will hold.

This year my hopes and dreams for the new year have taken on a depth of desire I have not felt before. You see 2018 was a hard year. Not the type of hard where your car breaks down 10 times in a year and you're scrambling to come up with the funds to keep it on the road. No, this was the type of hard that shakes you to the core, that makes you question, is God truly good? Is He truly kind? Where is He in all of this?

2018 held career choices that I had been working hard to see succeed going up in flames and there was nothing I could do to stop it. 2018 held the unexpected death of my best friend's brother and gut wrenching pain and sorrow in navigating a much too soon goodbye. 2018 held relationship heartbreak. 2018 held the pain of watching multiple other friends walk through the deep sorrow that accompanies telling a loved one goodbye. 2018 was a hard year, gut level hard, test your faith hard.

In 2018 I made a move, it was just a simple 2 mile across town move, but I moved nonetheless. Yesterday I was sifting through pictures from 2018 and I came across this picture of Cinch. You can see by the boxes and vacuum included in the picture that it was in the middle of my move. I was stunned and brought close to tears at discovering this picture. At the time I randomly snapped this cute picture of Cinch and didn't think anymore of it. But now, six months later this picture reaches deep, it reaches to all those hurting places, all those questions 2018 brought bubbling to the surface and identifies with where I'm at, "In the door."

I don't know if any of you have ever been "in the door?" To me it's a place where you recognize God is about to do something, something big, a shift, a change is coming. You sense it inside of you, in your spirit, in your soul, but you can't put your finger on it. Something is being born inside of you and you can feel the pressure and the angst of the process but you cannot tell what the outcome will be. You cannot say what all the pain and suffering, the process will produce in you. The deepness of desire I have been feeling for 2019 to hold new direction, opportunities, adventures I think is really the evidence of what is being born inside of me. I didn't get all the answers I was hoping for in 2018. Some of the things that happened still don't make sense to me. Some of the things that died inside of me I wish were still alive. But I do know God is good, He is kind, and what He is bringing to life inside of me is going to be worth sitting "in the door" for. Like Cinch I find myself caught in a transition. 2018 was a hard year on a level I'm pretty sure I haven't experienced before. Yet God is moving, He's working, He's doing something. I find myself sitting "in the door," 2018 almost behind me, looking towards 2019 with hope, but entirely unsure what it's going to hold, entirely unsure of how the things God is stirring within me are going to play out in a new year.

Here's what I do want you to know. If you find yourself "in the door," I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I'm sitting there too, I'm choosing to hold onto hope, I'm choosing to trust the Lord even when the view isn't changing. I feel the angst, the pain, the struggle of being caught between the hard behind you and the hope in front of you! You are not alone. This season "in the door," will not last forever. God is birthing something new in you, in me! Great sorrow proceeds great joy. Intense pain yields incredible results that can be brought about in no other way. The only way through to the promise we've been waiting for is the process, the pain, the struggle. When what God is working has been birthed in our lives we will no longer remember the pain of the process, it will fade away as we are swept up in the intense joy of the fulfilled promise.

"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal.

John 12:24-25 The Message

A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.

John 16:21 NKJV

Luke Jones Performance Horses

I'm still alive!!!!!!!!!! ;) My heart has been really reflective and thankful this past week for where the Lord has brought me in the past two months! I'm doubtful that anyone will even see this post unless you get notified when I post! :-P Y'all have probably given up on me in the blogging department! However, since this little spot on the web has always been a wonderful place for me to share my heart so that I can look back on God's faithfulness, since I LOVE writing, since I love pictures and the memories they evoke, and since maybe, just maybe someone will see this and be blessed by it, I'm gonna do a lengthy post! :)
As I sit here putting my thoughts into words the strains of the Christian radio station drift through the wall that separates me from the barn and serenade me. Where am I? Where has God moved me since I last shared with you of my adventures at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch in Bend, Oregon?
I am in the office adjoining the barn at Luke Jones Performance Horses near the small town of Allerton, Iowa. This little office serves several purposes for me. It's got a bathroom where I can shower and keep myself cleaned up. It has a microwave/convection oven. It has a table near an outlet that I plug my little electric frying pan into for cooking various delicious meals to keep this cowgirl energized! :) It has wifi, wahoo for being able to connect with the outside world! :) It has a leather couch that I can lay on in the evenings when I'm to exhausted to move and where my dog often joins me keeping me warm with his body heat! :)
Let's rewind though! How did I get here? What does working for Luke Jones look like? What is my goal in being a part of this place?
It all started a year ago, although I had not the slightest idea at the time that God was beginning to lay the framework for me to come work here, He was. God directed into my life a friend who worked for Luke Jones. At first the extent of this was I heard of his adventures and daily activities at work. I enjoyed hearing of his constant interaction with the horses and thought it sounded like a cool place, then he invited me out to witness it firsthand. Who could pass up an opportunity like this?! The performance horse world intrigued me and I had often dreamed of being capable of doing performance horse scale maneuvers someday. Thus when I was back in the Midwest for my older brother Thomas' wedding in June I made the trek out to Allerton, Iowa to see what Luke Jones was all about. In the beauty and glory of an Iowa summer I fell in love with the idea of being around horses all day every day. I already knew I loved interaction with horses, but Luke Jones performance horses took it to a whole new level. Training, riding, and caring for horses all day, I loved it!
I headed back to Bend, Oregon where I was on staff at Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, but not without a lot of questions and ideas weighing thoughtfully on my spirit. In route back to Bend the Lord worked out an incredible and unexpected interaction with the newly married couple. They were on their way back from their honeymoon in California and I was headed back to Bend after spending about a week in the Midwest after their wedding. We just both happened to be going through the Denver, Colorado airport at the same time! :-) Not only did God put our gates super close to each other, but He delayed Thomas and Chalee's flight so that when we were only supposed to have fifteen minutes together they ended up sitting with me all the way until my flight boarded and waved me onto the airplane!

What a blessing these two are! I could sense the Lord's rich anointing on their marriage in the short hour we spent together in the airport in Denver! I had shared with them some of the things God was laying on my heart and some of the thoughts I was pondering regarding the future. Before I boarded they wanted to pray for me. Wow, what a gift that was! The Holy Spirit surrounded us and the tears were streaming down my face in that Denver airport as we grabbed hands and sought the Father together. As I stepped onto that airplane God's spirit was stirring up my heart! The next two hours of my flight to Redmond, OR. were spent calling upon the Lord and reading His word. God gave me clearer, and quicker direction then I think I've ever experienced! He reminded me as I longed to go pursue the avenue of performance horses, but ached with my desire to also serve Him through being in ministry that when we love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength our life is a ministry! He spoke to me of seasons, a time to stay, and a time to go, and how it is His peace hovering over us that often gives us direction. Even as the Israelites were dependent on the cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night in the wilderness to tell them when to stay and when to go, I am dependent on God's peace and Spirit to guide me! God's answer to the many questions on my heart was clear, "Love me, and do what you want!" Sounds incredibly prideful right?! Let's break that statement down though...if we're loving God, and love for Him is truly leading us, what we want to do will be in line with His heart!

I flew home on a Saturday, June 28th. The next day at church our pastor preached something along the lines of the dreams that God has placed on our hearts, and trusting Him that He has put them there. I remember sitting in that pew and my heart racing with anticipation as the Lord said, "Go home and call Luke Jones today." You see Luke had not offered me a job, I was going to step out in faith and ask Luke if he had a position open to me. I went home from church that day, acquired Luke's cell phone number, and with my nerves quite on end called him. God blew the doors wide open for me to move to Allerton, IA. Not only did Luke offer me a position, but my seven year old mare, and eight month old border collie would be allowed to come with me. I was ecstatic!

September 6th, 2014 found me hiking to a secluded place on the Deschutes River and crying out to God for wisdom and direction once again. Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch had asked me to come back as the Volunteer Coordinator's Assistant once again for the 2015 season. They requested to know an answer by the 15th of September. I was completely uncertain of what to do. I had not committed to work for Luke Jones for a certain period of time. I told him that in the spring I would evaluate what I felt I was supposed to do. Was God only calling me to work for Luke for the winter months? Was I supposed to return to Oregon in the spring to serve at Crystal Peaks once again? Tears flowed as I sat on a rock with the river flowing briskly past and beseeched God for direction. My heart was to be able to increase my horse training skills for longer then just a quick three month jaunt. However, my heart was also to be exactly wherever God wanted me. That day the Lord asked me if He told me to if I would return to Oregon in the spring of 2015. I told the Lord yes, I thought the decision had been

made.

                                     

Saturday morning September 13th, 2014 found me in my little bedroom at Jeff and Kelsie Woodford's house crying out to God once again. The Monday and Tuesday following God's question to me if I would return to Oregon had brought complete unrest and confusion in my spirit. My heart ached! I felt like God was maybe saying that He wasn't calling me back to Oregon after all, but I was so afraid! What if my emotions were getting in the way? What if it wasn't really the Lord? What if Satan was just attacking me because God was calling me back to Oregon and he didn't want me to come? "Oh Lord," I pleaded, "You have directed me many times through giving me a scripture. This morning could you please confirm to my heart the direction I am supposed to go through your word?!" Trusting the Lord to speak to me I opened to where I was currently reading, Psalm 100.

 

A Psalm of Thanksgiving.

1 Make a joyful shout to the Lord, all you lands!

2 Serve the Lord with gladness;

Come before His presence with singing.

3 Know that the Lord, He is God;

It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;

We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,

And into His courts with praise.

Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

5 For the Lord is good;

His mercy is everlasting,

And His truth endures to all generations.

I had read this particular Psalm many, many times in my walk with the Lord, but God's Holy Spirit spoke entirely new meaning into it for me this morning! The Lord shot down all the lies that Satan was hurling at me bringing confusion and uncertainty. I came to realize that God had asked me if I would come back to Oregon if He asked me to, He had not asked me to come back. He had asked me if my heart was surrendered, and now He was giving me a beautiful gift. The release to go pursue what I love! The Lord spoke to me through verse three of Psalm 100 that He is the one who created me the way that I am! He is the one who made me, who knows me better than I know myself! If He created me passionate about riding and training horses than He can use it! It is not my place to call it "less than" just because it doesn't look, or sound, or feel like being in ministry! The Lord said, "Rebekah, I have created you the way that you are for a reason! You can give Me thanks for this, and bless Me for making you this way! You don't have to be afraid, you can trust Me to use the way I have made you! Go chase your dreams baby girl, go do what you love! I have created you for this, and I will use it for My glory!"

Thus the adventure began! On Monday, December 1st, 2014 I began work at Luke Jones Performance Horses. My mare Sonador, and my dog Cinch finally joined me as we were all united for the first time. Previously Cinch was living in Oregon with me, and Sona was living at my parents place in Iowa. I will not return to Oregon this spring, God has released me to keep my future open to whatever He is calling me to as I pursue this avenue of increasing my skills with horses. My dream and goal is to one day train horses for my own clients as well as work with troubled teen girls. I want to teach teen girls more advanced skills with horses while incorporating the gospel and truths from God's word about relationships and a relationship with God. I know that working at Luke Jones may only be a piece of what the next months hold because I serve an awesome God who is constantly gently leading and guiding me! Wherever He says go I follow! I am blessed beyond words to be working at Luke's place for this season! I have learned more in two short months than I ever imagined that I would. I have been tested, I have been pushed, I have grown physically, spiritually and emotionally. God has made it perfectly clear that this is exactly where He has me to be right now! I pray that as I love Him the wonderful people He's placed around me will be drawn to His love!

Practicing roping the dummy, I didn't even know how to swing a rope when I arrived at Luke's! :-P

 Getting instructions from the boss. :)

Always busy, saddling, unsaddling, and moving horses!!

Always my favorite part of the day, riding my horse! There's just something about your own horse that is more amazing than any other horse! No matter how behind some of the horses that I ride she is in her training, she is still my favorite! ;)

 

Visits from family, another favorite!!!! I absolutely love being close enough to where they live for them to drop in for a day!

 

 

Ranch life, love it so much!

 

 This made me smile!! :) The Jones have a billy goat that they allow to run free. One day I left the door to my car open and had a voluntary passenger! ;)

 God is so good beyond what we deserve! We deserve nothing, and in Him we are blessed with everything! God blessed me with a border collie 10 months ago, little did I know that one day I would be working at Luke Jones Performance horses where lots of people in the area own border collies and work them on cows. I've been blessed with the opportunity to try working Cinch on stock some and have been told that he is as good a dog as any dog in the country. A gentleman named Mike, who trains cattle dogs, told me that he wished his well bred border collie would do the things Cinch is doing. There is a phrase that says, "Cinch to victory," which means, "The victory is sure." It was when I discovered this that the Lord impressed upon my heart that this was to be my dog's name. I am constantly blessed by the companionship of Cinch in my life and the things the Lord teaches me through his intelligent wanting to please me attitude! In Christ I know the victory is sure, and through this dog He has blessed me with I am constantly reminded of that!

 

One of the things I love about my job at Luke's is that it requires me getting up early enough that I see the sunrise more than I don't see it rise. No matter what the previous day has held, or what the day ahead of me holds I am reminded that great is His faithfulness, and His mercies are new every morning! His love is constant in a world that is constantly changing!

A Mother's Love

It takes a lifetime to learn the value of your mother's love,

It takes going out into the world to realize what your mother is actually made of,

When I was young and she dried my tears,

Sat up with me sick all night and calmed my fears,

I never used to think much of it, wasn't that a mothers job,

But now when I recall those days my heart begins to throb,

My mother gave her life for me so that I could succeed,

In Christ like example she met my every need,

When my world was spinning out of control,

She held my hand, she cried with me, she comforted my soul,

When advice I was needing, her Bible she was reading,

She'd gently steer me to the Father,

I'd find peace in being reminded I am His daughter,

Through all the years my mother has been so strong,

She's been constant, she's been steady, and I know she'll be there for me all my lifelong,

When I said I loved horses you didn't skip a beat,

You were always along for the ride, cheering me on from your ever watchful seat,

Now as I face this world and all it's pressures,

I realize like never before your love is beyond being able to measure,

I see pieces of you in me more and more each day,

And that is something I don't want to go away,

Who wouldn't want a piece of the strongest woman she's ever known,

I'm grateful a part of you has stuck with me as I have grown,

Now how to say thank you that is the question,

One that is beyond my comprehension,

I can never let you know what you mean to me,

But that you're my mother and I'm your daughter makes me forever happy!

Happy Birthday Mom!!! I love you!!!

God Speaks

As I sit and stare out the window God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
As I read His word and pray God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
As I listen to the radio God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
As I gaze at the sun sinking below the horizon God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
As I watch my horse learn how to trust me God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
As I lay in bed and reflect on the day God speaks to me;
He speaks to  me all the time!
As I meet people each and every day God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
In moments of loneliness and sorrow God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
In periods of happiness and joy God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
In His creation or in my bedroom God speaks to me;
He speaks to me all the time!
I'm so glad my Jesus is mine, for He speaks to me all the time!

-Rebekah Rehm

 

I wrote this very simple poem today as I was in my bedroom spending time with the Lord. I was thinking of all the different things the Lord has been speaking to my heart recently and suddenly it hit me that He speaks to me all the time!! I know that often I become discouraged and think, "The Lord speaks to others so much more than He does to me!" Or, "If only I could hear from the Lord in that way!" But I was so encouraged today when I stopped and thought of all the different ways the Lord speaks to me and how I personally hear His still small voice, and that is what inspired this poem! I'm so grateful that He speaks to me all the time!! How does God speak to you?

 

 

And after the earthquake a fire;

but the Lord was not in the fire:

and after the fire a still small voice.

1 Kings 19:12